text | UN: A$HMON3Y

[moneyballer]

ay yo ladieeeeez 😜 hay hay hAY hayyyyyy ✋✋✋ if any of u girly gals need a STUDMUFFIN ✔️✔️✔️✔️ 2 help sell the whole baws asssz upper class B I A T C H than g thang thaaaaang 💁 dis boi got an 🍑 dat won't quit and a lotta lurve ❤️❤️❤️ 4 his new teamies so holla atcho homie if u need a little man 🍭 hangin around while u strut ur stuff

*and PS NO 🐵 bidness, i'm taken, ok? yee thnk u

skeet skeet

Comments

text; un: simonprime

[theseuschip]

Thanks for translating.

I mean I can read it, I just really don't want to.

[unholey]

Haha. Can't say I blame you.

Back home, I knew a couple of guys who would send texts sort of like this. Just minus the emojis, we didn't have those yet in 2001. So I'm used to deciphering this sort of nonsense.

[theseuschip]

Yeah, 2001 sounds about right for the last time anyone said "lurve".

But hey, you're from the same century as me. That's cool.

[unholey]

I have sometimes tried to think about how American English sounds on the street based on some of the more recent (for me) music coming out of the States that I've listened to.

Yeah, that is pretty cool. 2015, right? If there's a "me" in your world, I'd be 30.

[unholey]

[Almost immediately after:]

Maybe I shouldn't have made that calculation. I honestly can't picture it. It's strange to even try to imagine.

[theseuschip]

[ another one... are they cheaper labor or something?? Hathaway what are you doing ]

Was 2015, now 2104.

Also I hate to be the 30-will-be-here-before-you-know-it guy, but... yeah.

i'm sorry

[moneyballer]

then why r u here bitch

bless

[theseuschip]

So... no bites huh?

[moneyballer]

L O O K !!!!!!

[if u count his boyfriend...]

[theseuschip]

[ not a preexisting boyfriend but nice try ]

Actually serious: you still didn't explain skeet skeet

[moneyballer]

it's a sound effect R UDE BOI

[And then, a brief pause-]

wait r u even a boi