text, @TARANTO

[heavyhitter]

ok guys listen i got something i've been thinking about, no one's been able to answer it for me yet
check it out: deer dildos
???
do they use them? it doesn't have to be dildos anything sexy in general, that counts. i'm not buying there's any sentient sexually reproducing species out there that hasn't invented sex toys, so what do deer use. does it have to do with antlers?? i haven't put much thought into deer sex so i'm not working on much here, just tossing out ideas. lemme know, thanks



oh wait one more thing, i really wanna get off this island. i've seen everything and it's boring. these guys suck at technology right? and swimming. oh my god they're so pathetically useless

but WE are way better at both those things! so here's my proposal: we team up and use our evolved smarts and build a floating litter, or popemobile, or something, and get me over to the next island. good, right?? i think we can do it! we got science grandpa AND nerd granduncle running around here, and probably half a dozen other nerds i haven't dug up yet. we can do this. i believe in us. if there's any parties going on on the other islands, let's get me to them.

Comments

[aspearation]

Alright. That can be arranged! You can swim, right? I don't have to aim for any land masses or anything like that??

[heavyhitter]

i'm not gonna let you swim me into the middle of the ocean and drown me sorry we're not that good of friends yet

[aspearation]

Who said anything about swimming?? I was just gonna see how far I can toss you!

[heavyhitter]

wow somehow even less appealing, that's amazing, you got a real talent there

[aspearation]

Hey! You said you wanted off, you didn't actually say how.

Wait... you CAN swim, right?!

[ That is absolutely a question that was asked and not answered. Given her experience with humans and water, it's hard to say. ]

[heavyhitter]

yeah i can fucking swim i thought that was self evident since i'm not an idiot and didn't need answering

[ she learned to swim before the minor water phobia she picked up happened, ok ]

[aspearation]

You're pretty touchy about it, huh? What, are you just not good at it? Scared a shark's gonna eat you? Those things WERE pretty big, guess I can't blame for you that.

[ All Undyne knows is that she hit a nerve. She's not just pushing buttons out of a weird sense of revenge (though it is cathartic) but because she thinks she can probably help if she can just figure out what nerve it is she hit. ]

[heavyhitter]

uh i'm PRETTY SURE arm wrestling contest winners don't have to worry that much about sharks so no i'm good

[ just! in case! she forgot!!! ]

[aspearation]

Alright then.

Want to wager another bet?

[heavyhitter]

why
on what

[aspearation]

A swimming race. First to swim 100 yards out and 100 yards back wins. If I win, you let me teach you how to swim better.

[heavyhitter]

you're a fish monster in a swimming contest, i'd lose to you
plus swimming sucks so not interested

[aspearation]

I'll give you a head start then. If you're so great at swimming, it shouldn't take long, and you get to name your terms. If you want a boat so badly, I'll build it with my own two hands and paddle it wherever you want, if you win.

[heavyhitter]

[ man... she wants to say yes... but 100 yards is really far out....... there's kind of an awkwardly long pause on this response ]

how much of a head start

[aspearation]

As much as halfway if you want. If you think you need that much.

[heavyhitter]

fine, halfway head start, since i get a boat out of it

[ she's almost sure she can totally handle that. it'll probably be fine! ]

[aspearation]

Alright then. Meet me outside the inn in 15 minutes! I know a good spot with less sharks.

[heavyhitter]

great, get ready to lose round 2

[aspearation]

Hah! It's not gonna be that easy this time.

See you in fifteen minutes!

[ She will, in fact, be waiting outside the inn way more than fifteen minutes in advance, even after dealing with Papyrus'... question. Thanks for that Ramir. ]

[heavyhitter]

[ Ramir takes longer than 15 minutes, on account of what a terrible idea this is. This would've been fun like a year ago, why couldn't ALASTAIR and Nalawi and stuff have kicked in sooner? Unfair, man.

She heads for the inn with her hands stuffed into her pockets and her feet dragging in the sand, and purses her lips when Undyne comes into sight. ]

I really thought you'd have learned your lesson about competing with me.

[ that rings pretty hollow when she's gonna have a half-course head start ]

[aspearation]

[ If anything, Undyne is even cockier this time, and she has a better idea of what she's up against. She's not going to hold back at all this time. Ramir already played that card once, and it's not going to work again. Even at a disadvantage, she's pretty confident on this one. ]

Actually, I did learn something. I learned to not go easy on you! Giving you a head start is just me being nice, because I feel bad you humans all suck at swimming. Come on.

[ It's obvious she's already scoped this out, because she walks quickly and decisively across the beach, towards a little spot where the land curves around. At the right spot, there's roughly a hundred yard span between one point of land and the other, and the waters are calmer, and not too deep.

Making good on her word, she starts shedding her coat, vest and boots, leaving them on a rock. She could swim in the just as easily, but they would weigh her down a least a little. She said she wasn't going to go easy. ]

To the other side and back. I'm ready, so it's on you!

[ And just to press the point, she starts stretching out her arms and legs, just to show how ready and waiting she is. ]

[heavyhitter]

[ She falls into step after Undyne unhappily, but when she catches sight of where they'll be swimming... well, that's actually not that bad. She'll never be too far from shore, and it doesn't look choppy. She was definitely picturing swimming 300 feet straight out from land, that sounded awful.

She comes to a stop at the water's edge, still eyeing it, then finally shrugs with a sigh. ]

Alright, let's do this shit.

[ And she'll actually have to try, that's the worst part, because there's no way she's putting up with swimming lessons. Ugh. She shrugs off her jacket and steps out of her boots, working down to just a shirt and underwear. ]

[aspearation]

[ At that, Undyne's just going to turn and do her stretches in the other direction, in an attempt to be polite. ]

Uh. Yep! It's on your mark. So. You know, just start swimming and I'll wait!

[heavyhitter]

[ God, what is with everyone and modesty around here, it's not like she's getting totally naked. She leaves her clothes in a sandy little pile and steps into the water, moving slow. Over her shoulder: ]

Hope you're ready to hang around and really wait, then. You can't move until I'm over there, then the race starts.

[aspearation]

[ Undyne has seen the Japanese animes. She's seen beach episodes, she knows what happens when there are scantily clad hot babes on the beach: nosebleeds, and shenanigans. And she's interested in neither.

She does chance a sidelong glance over her shoulder, though. ]

Exactly how long is it gonna take you then?