heavyhitter: (a smile safe crackers understand)
ana ramír | TARANTO ([personal profile] heavyhitter) wrote in [community profile] futurology2016-03-29 10:20 pm
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text, @TARANTO

ok guys listen i got something i've been thinking about, no one's been able to answer it for me yet
check it out: deer dildos
???
do they use them? it doesn't have to be dildos anything sexy in general, that counts. i'm not buying there's any sentient sexually reproducing species out there that hasn't invented sex toys, so what do deer use. does it have to do with antlers?? i haven't put much thought into deer sex so i'm not working on much here, just tossing out ideas. lemme know, thanks



oh wait one more thing, i really wanna get off this island. i've seen everything and it's boring. these guys suck at technology right? and swimming. oh my god they're so pathetically useless

but WE are way better at both those things! so here's my proposal: we team up and use our evolved smarts and build a floating litter, or popemobile, or something, and get me over to the next island. good, right?? i think we can do it! we got science grandpa AND nerd granduncle running around here, and probably half a dozen other nerds i haven't dug up yet. we can do this. i believe in us. if there's any parties going on on the other islands, let's get me to them.
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heavyhitter: (but the queen is alive!)

[personal profile] heavyhitter 2016-03-30 02:00 pm (UTC)(link)
hang on there's been a revision: dildoes

alright carry on what were you saying
dbag: (Default)

[personal profile] dbag 2016-03-30 02:21 pm (UTC)(link)
........Okay that was good but this whole line of questioning is still unsettling. Why are you asking us, maybe you should go ask them!

Don't ask them.
heavyhitter: well you ARE. you're fucking adorable. (look at you you think you're cute)

[personal profile] heavyhitter 2016-03-30 02:37 pm (UTC)(link)
why not, i bet that old guy at the inn could tell me a lot
old people have the best stories
dbag: (Default)

[personal profile] dbag 2016-03-30 07:22 pm (UTC)(link)
Okay, you not only want to hear about deer sex, you want to hear about ELDERLY deer sex? I just feel like it's important to clarify. Important distinction.
heavyhitter: (youve a lazy laugh and a red white shirt)

[personal profile] heavyhitter 2016-03-30 09:20 pm (UTC)(link)
the more you say the more i hear "guy who needs to expand his horizons"
dbag: (Default)

[personal profile] dbag 2016-03-31 01:39 am (UTC)(link)
Soooo are you gonna answer the question or can I just mark you down for "elderly deer sex."
heavyhitter: i'm glad i had it in me (unlike your anatomy)

[personal profile] heavyhitter 2016-03-31 02:10 am (UTC)(link)
i know what you're getting at and i'm gonna disappoint you. i haven't fucked any deer. for really juicy detail though, talk to 82736775
dbag: (Default)

[personal profile] dbag 2016-04-01 08:01 pm (UTC)(link)
Okay, wow, that is a very specific denial. I was only thinking about you being a creepy deer voyeur, this is way worse. So... thanks for that mental image, I guess. I'm gonna go wash my eyeballs out with deer-bleach now.

[ IT'S JUST BLEACH... ]

Idk if we're gonna regret getting you to the other islands, but probably? I feel like we are. Anyway, somebody's already come up with ideas to get there, right? I can make them better.
heavyhitter: sneakers, pumps, or lace up your boots (get your killer heels)

[personal profile] heavyhitter 2016-04-02 05:38 am (UTC)(link)
aw tell me if deer-bleach comes with little antlers on the sides of the bottle

also, why, is that your superpower? ability to improve on any idea? good deal
dbag: (Default)

[personal profile] dbag 2016-04-02 09:21 pm (UTC)(link)
Uh, yeah, pretty much. I'm kind of great at that. AND I'm one of the few people who know what computers are, that's gotta count for something.
heavyhitter: see you next tuesday (you call me up and had the nerve to say)

[personal profile] heavyhitter 2016-04-02 09:44 pm (UTC)(link)
it'd count for something if there were any fucking computers around
well something aside from me appreciating the shit out of you anyway, oh my god how many low tech bumpkins can you fit onto one island
dbag: (Default)

[personal profile] dbag 2016-04-03 02:20 am (UTC)(link)
Right??? THANK YOU for the appreciation. I, for one, am tired of everyone screaming at technology like a caveman discovering fire.

[ It's not the tech they dislike, it's that he lopped his arm off for no reason BUT WHATEVER same diff. ]

There may not be computers, but I have something better. ...Comparable. I mean it's apples and oranges really, ANYWAY it's a robot. He could at least fly over the water to contact the other islands. I think.
heavyhitter: we don't need no camouflage (it's who we are)

[personal profile] heavyhitter 2016-04-03 02:32 am (UTC)(link)
can your robot carry someone else?
dbag: (Default)

[personal profile] dbag 2016-04-03 03:57 pm (UTC)(link)
Uhhhhhh, you could try to ride him, but you'll probably die. He's got a heart of gold and a can-do attitude, but Dumpy's feeling a little under the weather.
heavyhitter: (got my funny face painted on)

[personal profile] heavyhitter 2016-04-03 07:22 pm (UTC)(link)
wow that's incredibly useless
dbag: (Default)

[personal profile] dbag 2016-04-03 10:21 pm (UTC)(link)
Hey, don't talk about Dumpy that way! I mean, it's true, but it's also like... really rude.
heavyhitter: (get in line take a number)

[personal profile] heavyhitter 2016-04-04 01:54 am (UTC)(link)
his name is dumpy


god that sounds fucking adorable i wanna meet him
dbag: ᴡᴇ'ʀᴇ ɢᴏɴɴᴀ ᴘʀᴇᴛᴇɴᴅ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ's ɴᴏᴛ ᴀ ᴘʀᴏʙʟᴇᴍ ᴜɴᴛɪʟ ɪᴛ's ᴀʟʀᴇᴀᴅʏ ᴇᴀᴛɪɴɢ ᴍᴇ. (pic#10150906)

[personal profile] dbag 2016-04-04 02:52 am (UTC)(link)
You can meet him, but you have to be nice. If you call him useless to his face (eye...ball? ocular?) it'll hurt his feelings. I... think. There's still a bit of a language barrier.

[ where's the rosetta stone for the inhuman shrieks of his nightmares ]
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