text, @TARANTO

[heavyhitter]

ok guys listen i got something i've been thinking about, no one's been able to answer it for me yet
check it out: deer dildos
???
do they use them? it doesn't have to be dildos anything sexy in general, that counts. i'm not buying there's any sentient sexually reproducing species out there that hasn't invented sex toys, so what do deer use. does it have to do with antlers?? i haven't put much thought into deer sex so i'm not working on much here, just tossing out ideas. lemme know, thanks



oh wait one more thing, i really wanna get off this island. i've seen everything and it's boring. these guys suck at technology right? and swimming. oh my god they're so pathetically useless

but WE are way better at both those things! so here's my proposal: we team up and use our evolved smarts and build a floating litter, or popemobile, or something, and get me over to the next island. good, right?? i think we can do it! we got science grandpa AND nerd granduncle running around here, and probably half a dozen other nerds i haven't dug up yet. we can do this. i believe in us. if there's any parties going on on the other islands, let's get me to them.

Comments

[heavyhitter]

but you ARE a grandpa right

[ricksybusiness]

That gives people the wrong idea.

[The kind of idea that involves, like, butter cookies and hard candy?]

[heavyhitter]

come on science grandpa it's cool, you gotta own it

[ricksybusiness]

Ugh whatever. I'm too hungover to argue.

The rapids are too dangerous to cross here with a regular boat. The other islands don't have that problem, though, so once we get over there it'll be fine. I'd suggest some kind of zipline system, like white people do on vacation.

[heavyhitter]

wow so you're going to build me a whole gondola? that's so nice of you

[ricksybusiness]

You're going to park your ass on a hook attached to a wire and like it

[heavyhitter]

THAT'S SOOOOO NICE OF YOU THAT YOU'D JUST BUILD ME A WHOLE GONDOLA LIKE THAT
DO IT IN RED AND BLACK PLEASE

[ricksybusiness]

Does this usually work?

[heavyhitter]

yeah usually people get tired of putting up with it and do the thing i want

[ricksybusiness]

So you're okay with constantly getting pity fuck favors?

[heavyhitter]

a favor's a favor

[ricksybusiness]

You do you, I guess.

Speaking of which, they do it like normal deer.

[heavyhitter]

wait what

[ricksybusiness]

Watch Animal Planet sometime.

[heavyhitter]

i know what normal deer do it like
how do you know what THEY do it like

wait better question are you watching them fuck or are you fucking them?

[ricksybusiness]

That's kind of a personal question.

[heavyhitter]

yeah i do those a lot what's your point

[ricksybusiness]

So none of your business.

[heavyhitter]

i'm gonna sayyyyy
fucking deers
i don't think you give a shit enough to watch
congratulations! you're an adventurous, surprisingly spry man

anyway that doesn't really answer my question though, i was asking about the sex toys in particular

[ricksybusiness]

[He's not denying it, so she's probably right. Whatever!]

I'm saying they don't use sex toys. They masturbate like deer.

[heavyhitter]

what only? ALL of them? that's stupid

[ricksybusiness]

If you wanna make it your mission to introduce them to dildos, they're pretty interested in humanoids. Just saying.

[heavyhitter]

oh no did you teach them that humans are really good at sex
now they're never gonna want to go back to their boring sex toy-less lives, you ruined them

[nicearms]

tbf tacking "science" onto anything kinda kills the familial vibe

[ from one time-traveling science grandpa to another. ]

[ricksybusiness]

Really not interested in people thinking I'll science them up a plate of knishes, regardless.