text, @TARANTO

[heavyhitter]

ok guys listen i got something i've been thinking about, no one's been able to answer it for me yet
check it out: deer dildos
???
do they use them? it doesn't have to be dildos anything sexy in general, that counts. i'm not buying there's any sentient sexually reproducing species out there that hasn't invented sex toys, so what do deer use. does it have to do with antlers?? i haven't put much thought into deer sex so i'm not working on much here, just tossing out ideas. lemme know, thanks



oh wait one more thing, i really wanna get off this island. i've seen everything and it's boring. these guys suck at technology right? and swimming. oh my god they're so pathetically useless

but WE are way better at both those things! so here's my proposal: we team up and use our evolved smarts and build a floating litter, or popemobile, or something, and get me over to the next island. good, right?? i think we can do it! we got science grandpa AND nerd granduncle running around here, and probably half a dozen other nerds i haven't dug up yet. we can do this. i believe in us. if there's any parties going on on the other islands, let's get me to them.

Comments

WHO IS THIS STRANGER IN MY INBOX

[heavyhitter]

look call me crazy but i kinda don't feel like crashing and drowning on the coral or whatever out there


plus one of the options involves snuggling koltira on horseback and who in the world could say no to that shit

AN APRIL FOOLS MISTAKE...

[12inches]

that's quitter talk ramir
... No jk I feel you I can't even front. this ocean's vicious.

I can't say I've ever met koltira but with a name like that I couldn't tell you

[heavyhitter]

yeah also i'm really happy with being alive so pass on the boat

anyway koltira: tall dead and handsome and he tried to kill me once
you'd probably remember if you met him but maybe you've seen him, glowy eyes? big ass ears, eyebrows shooting off his face?

[12inches]

yeah it's pretty great compared to the alternative

[ trust him he knows. ]

..... alright I've definitely seen him around
gonna go with No then. you can have your dead horseback fabio to yourself.

[heavyhitter]

haha yeah NICE all mine
though i guess i'm splitting him with loki

hey speaking of do you know loki

[12inches]

[ ............. ]

you mean like the actual legitimate norse trickster god or tom hiddleston in leather pants

[ or the fourth wall equivalent. I figure it's safe because he's neither. ]

[heavyhitter]

uhh 1) i never asked 2) who?
actually make that not a question i don't care, point is he can probably help AND it'd involve less snuggling on horseback

[12inches]

movie joke nvm

but does it involve more of anything else... and can I get in on this if it doesn't?

[heavyhitter]

what if i said it involves a quick smooch
what if i also said loki's really cute

[12inches]

for you or for loki?

[ This is an important smooch distinction. ]

[heavyhitter]

uhh

[ well she meant for Loki, but now that he mentions it ]

both?

[12inches]

[ ew ]

ah well he's SOL then
and so am I I guess

Wouldn't say no to you tho

[heavyhitter]

wow that's pretty unfortunately straight
sorry for your loss