futurology | VIDEO; UN: HAWKEYE

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VIDEO; UN: HAWKEYE

[Instead of any person, the scene presently on the screen is of a backpack lying in the snow, overflowing with child leashes in a variety of different colors and patterns. The voice that pipes up has about as much warmth as the chill tundra wind and is just loud enough to cut through the continued wailing of infant squidges nearby.]

It appears that some of our superiors question our ability to properly watch over these small creatures.

[Though if the delivery was sent in earnest rather than as a practical joke, she can't say she disagrees with the assessment, at least not with regards to a certain subsection of Team Audentes. (Fortune might favor the bold, but it certainly won't favor anyone lacking basic common sense as far as she's concerned.)

Regardless, she presses on.]

While I should hope that none of you will need one at the moment [judging u if you put a leash on ur infant squidge tbh] some of you may find them necessary at a later point in this mission. There seem to be enough for each recruit to have one.

[Unfortunately.

A brief pause follows, enough time for a resigned sigh.]

With that said, if you are concerned about caring for a living being, I'm sure there are several of us willing to provide advice.

(ooc: i bought a bunch of child leashes as an ac reward as i was completely out of ideas, feel free to handwave your character grabbed one.)

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[Her responding smile is tight and entirely humorless.]

A frequent trend, judging from the 'gifts' I've received over the past several months. [Heavy emphasis on gifts.] I've received a few useful supplies before, but I haven't been able to figure out when or why those happen.

[Probably just to keep her own her toes, honestly.]

Huh, so it's more like a lottery or something... [Shizuo sighs, grimacing faintly.] Sounds like there's not much we can do about it, either way.

Got any idea what you're going to do with the leashes if you don't end up giving them all away?

Either rope or as fuel for the fire, depending on which is more necessary.

[Seemingly the latter right now due to the frigid temperatures, but there's no telling what sort of environments they'll encounter in coming weeks on this planet.]

Unless you have other suggestions?

While this is not a shocking revelation, I do wonder how they would feel to know that some gods think of humans in similar ways.

Thank you, but I believe I will do well enough without a leash.

Yadda, yadda, yadda. Geeze. Give it a rest, Riza-san.
_{[ a lazy, slurring voice is heard out of Riza's jewelry. ]}

You're trying to make us all look bad again, ah, aren't you?
_{[ honestly. You're a tough girl and you've got motherly instincts? Well, that's what Gintoki thinks, anyway. That's what he thinks this is all about. ]}

It's...

[ She has no idea what to even say about it, but her nervousness is obvious, no matter how much she tries to hide it. ]

It's alive!! It's...

[ . . . ]

I think I lost it!

[Evan appears in response, making a clear and petty noise of utter frustration.]

Is somebody back at headquarters trying to be funny? Would one of those even hold an organism made of flexible gel? I mean my cat back home won't even brook a collar, and I'm relatively certain at this point that these things are smarter than a cat.

Good lord! They couldn't have sent something actually useful, like, I don't know, whatever you call those frontward baby backpacks. Ugh.

L-leashes.....? But they aren't dogs?

[She doesn't even use a lead for Keroberos. She probably should consider the idea as he gets bigger though, more likely to pretty much run off on his own. At which point it would be more like him leading her around with it as the lion grows.

But the squidges? Okay so they can be kind of curious, but still. Sakura hadn't considered resorting to something like this.]

You all seem to be perfectly capable of managing such a feat even without my interference.

[Please, feel free to disagree.]

I don't know that I care much about what the gods think of me any longer.

[Not after what few brushes she'd had with them, back home and on Nalawi. No offense though, or anything.]

Have you had much babysitting experience before?

[It's not unlikely, given what little facts she recalls of him.]

[He scratches at his jaw, frowning a little.]

Well, not really...I don't have any experience with, ah, wilderness resourcefulness stuff--so I'm still trying to figure out what people do with the things they're given in this sort of situation.

[Or useless things like...kid leashes, in this case. Now he kind of feels like he ought to try contributing something, though, so after an awkward pause:]

But I mean, if you're asking...uh, maybe if you took off the leash bits--those animal-shaped ones might make good stuffed animals for these squidge guys? Kids like those kinds of things, right? [???? look he doesn't know...whatever little bit helps these things keep quiet....?]

[???????

The statement has Riza jerking backwards, the sharp motion enough to launch her squidge into a fresh round of loud wails. (It's enough to reaffirm her decision to never have children...)]

Lost? They're still very young, they can't have wandered very far.

[....That's not a half bad idea. If these things are anything like children - and from what she can observe already, they seem to be - surely they must appreciate toys of different sorts.]

It couldn't hurt to try. [But, hmm, how to detach them.] You wouldn't happen to have any knives or scissors on you, would you?

I want one!!

I can't find it! I...

Oh wait, it's under my jacket.

[ Listen Riza. Listen. She has no idea how to take care of kids. She didn't exactly have a great upbringing herself. She was allowed free reign to try and commit regicide as an adolescent... ]

The point was about sentience and how we interpret differences among beings, but take it as you will. If it was meant to insult anyone, it would be those who consider anyone different from them to be lesser.

[ Normally, he wouldn't bother to explain the point. But he's still feeling brittle from the last mission and is tired of what appears to be another thinly veiled insult. ]

I have enough experience with it.

[Shizuo blinks at the feed, very visibly surprised--mostly at the fact Riza's actually giving this idea any consideration in the first place. Honestly it'd sounded kind of dumb as soon as he said it out loud, but...]

Huh? Oh, no, I don't carry around things like that. [He's already enough of a walking hazard without having sharp objects of any sort on his person too?? Izaya generally has enough knives for the both of them anyway, and like hell's he going to share any similarity with that flea bastard if he can help it....but anyhow--] If you're talking about some way to take off the leash parts though, I guess I could probably get them off for you if you want. Doesn't look like it'd be too hard...

(oh my god it's been so long since he's seen a dog... a crouch, offering a human hand out for the animal to sniff. to introduce himself to mom, shiro must first cross the loyal bodyguard.

a look up, raising his free hand—a metal prosthesis—to wave back at her.)

Riza. I'm Shiro. It's nice to meet you, all things considered.

[(What is it with all these people and their robo-arms, this is like the third one she's seen now. Is that particular trait on ALASTAIR's hiring checklist now, "must have prosthetic arm"?)

Said loyal companion gives the hand a dutiful sniff before stamping it with his particular seal of approval: one lazy tail swish before he plops himself down and scratches real quick behind one ear. Riza doesn't return the wave, arms too full of squidge, but she does offer a quick smile.]

I take it you're newer to the team?

[His isn't a face she's seen around too much.]

[She's a bit surprised by that offer, largely because:]

How would you manage that?

[Surely he's not going to just.....tear the leash bits off.]

[PAPYRUS.........]

Are you planning on using it right now?

The ratio of useful gifts to absolutely ridiculous ones I've received has been about equal. But if you ask nicely, they might be willing to deliver a shipment.

[Assuming he's serious and not just making the comparison. It's hard to tell right now, with so much of the camp in a mild state of panic.]

I'd much prefer extra food supplies though.

[Undyne?????????????????]

Well, I'm glad you haven't lost it. [The smallest of victories.] Are you having any trouble with it so far?

[Other than..........misplacing it underneath your jacket............]

They aren't, but I'm sure some people will end up treating them like dogs.

[Which is unfortunate, to say the least, and something she'd like to try and prevent. (But if push comes to shove and it's between treating the squidges like dogs in order to keep an eye on them or losing them entirely, she'd still opt for the former.)]

I'm sure most of them don't mean to be cruel. They just have no experience in how to handle children.

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VIDEO; UN: HAWKEYE

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