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futurology2016-11-11 01:46 am
dishearten) wrote in futurology2016-11-11 01:46 am
VIDEO | un: huntsman
( this post has been a long time coming. he's needed time to digest the news of the fate of the deemer, and that's even without a heart. it's uncomfortable to be faced with a legion of those that suffered as he had, only worse. by all intents and appearances, there was nothing left of them now.
does that make him lucky? that a part of him still remains, however dismantled from being controlled for decades?
lucky or not, it gives him perspective. a lot of perspective. and for better or worse, he feels the need to share it, in the hopes the rest of the team might understand a little better. )
By now I'm sure all of us know the condition of the Demeers. That they are being manipulated and controlled by a force outside themselves. All information we have indicates that there is nothing left to them after the Taxara infiltrate, their personality wiped and their body lost as a vessel for the means of another.
( he grimaces, unable to quite look the team in the eye as he continues. )
I hope that most of you do not know what it feels like, to not be in control of yourself. It is not a feeling I'd wish on anyone, because I've lived it. I was enslaved for longer than I lived freely. When I was young and foolish— ( some of Audentes can remember that man, thanks to the time shenanigans back in Oska. the Huntsman, full of heart, but full of anger too. ) —I made a promise I ultimately refused to keep. And I paid for it, when an evil queen stole my heart and used it to control me.
( he's outing himself, as the man Sieglinde is trying to help. Graham himself is starting to realize that is too much weight for her to carry; he'll have to broaden his search. but not now, not when there's more important tasks at hand. )
She made me steal. She made me hurt. She made me kill. She made me... do whatever would please her. And I could not resist, nor escape, though it didn't stop me from trying. I have been in the place of these people, for longer than most of you have lived. If it is true, that there's nothing of them left after these creatures took them over, then they are lucky to not have to witness their hands doing the work of another. But even if they are not, believe me when I say living as a slave to the hatred of someone else is a fate worse than death.
If we cannot save them, we owe it to them to bring them to rest.
( it's a negative perspective, and he knows it. but if he were in their place, and he has been in their place... he knows what he would want. )
does that make him lucky? that a part of him still remains, however dismantled from being controlled for decades?
lucky or not, it gives him perspective. a lot of perspective. and for better or worse, he feels the need to share it, in the hopes the rest of the team might understand a little better. )
By now I'm sure all of us know the condition of the Demeers. That they are being manipulated and controlled by a force outside themselves. All information we have indicates that there is nothing left to them after the Taxara infiltrate, their personality wiped and their body lost as a vessel for the means of another.
( he grimaces, unable to quite look the team in the eye as he continues. )
I hope that most of you do not know what it feels like, to not be in control of yourself. It is not a feeling I'd wish on anyone, because I've lived it. I was enslaved for longer than I lived freely. When I was young and foolish— ( some of Audentes can remember that man, thanks to the time shenanigans back in Oska. the Huntsman, full of heart, but full of anger too. ) —I made a promise I ultimately refused to keep. And I paid for it, when an evil queen stole my heart and used it to control me.
( he's outing himself, as the man Sieglinde is trying to help. Graham himself is starting to realize that is too much weight for her to carry; he'll have to broaden his search. but not now, not when there's more important tasks at hand. )
She made me steal. She made me hurt. She made me kill. She made me... do whatever would please her. And I could not resist, nor escape, though it didn't stop me from trying. I have been in the place of these people, for longer than most of you have lived. If it is true, that there's nothing of them left after these creatures took them over, then they are lucky to not have to witness their hands doing the work of another. But even if they are not, believe me when I say living as a slave to the hatred of someone else is a fate worse than death.
If we cannot save them, we owe it to them to bring them to rest.
( it's a negative perspective, and he knows it. but if he were in their place, and he has been in their place... he knows what he would want. )
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I'd be happy to be proven wrong. If I'm not, I hope we can find a way to end their suffering quickly.
( he sighs. ) I'd have kept the coward if I could.
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[He laughs wryly.] Well. Can't run forever, I suppose.
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( and he hopes that they won't need to use it, but he won't leave it up to chance. )
I ran long enough. ( it's been a year, now, longer, and he hadn't told more than two members of the team, bits and pieces at that. is it good, to reveal the truth? he's not sure. but the truth is there all the same. ) If it'll help someone understand, then it was worth sharing.
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Can't have been easy. Is there a shot at you gettin' a new heart?
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( If only he agreed with said course more often... OH WELL MOVING ON!!! )
I hope so. If there's a way, I'd like to find it. Still, I'm not a high priority at the moment.
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( at least for better or worse he's stable. The Deemer and the very planet hey were stationed on, less so. )