VIDEO | un: huntsman

[dishearten]

( this post has been a long time coming. he's needed time to digest the news of the fate of the deemer, and that's even without a heart. it's uncomfortable to be faced with a legion of those that suffered as he had, only worse. by all intents and appearances, there was nothing left of them now.

does that make him lucky? that a part of him still remains, however dismantled from being controlled for decades?

lucky or not, it gives him perspective. a lot of perspective. and for better or worse, he feels the need to share it, in the hopes the rest of the team might understand a little better. )

By now I'm sure all of us know the condition of the Demeers. That they are being manipulated and controlled by a force outside themselves. All information we have indicates that there is nothing left to them after the Taxara infiltrate, their personality wiped and their body lost as a vessel for the means of another.

( he grimaces, unable to quite look the team in the eye as he continues. )

I hope that most of you do not know what it feels like, to not be in control of yourself. It is not a feeling I'd wish on anyone, because I've lived it. I was enslaved for longer than I lived freely. When I was young and foolish— ( some of Audentes can remember that man, thanks to the time shenanigans back in Oska. the Huntsman, full of heart, but full of anger too. ) —I made a promise I ultimately refused to keep. And I paid for it, when an evil queen stole my heart and used it to control me.

( he's outing himself, as the man Sieglinde is trying to help. Graham himself is starting to realize that is too much weight for her to carry; he'll have to broaden his search. but not now, not when there's more important tasks at hand. )

She made me steal. She made me hurt. She made me kill. She made me... do whatever would please her. And I could not resist, nor escape, though it didn't stop me from trying. I have been in the place of these people, for longer than most of you have lived. If it is true, that there's nothing of them left after these creatures took them over, then they are lucky to not have to witness their hands doing the work of another. But even if they are not, believe me when I say living as a slave to the hatred of someone else is a fate worse than death.

If we cannot save them, we owe it to them to bring them to rest.

( it's a negative perspective, and he knows it. but if he were in their place, and he has been in their place... he knows what he would want. )

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VIDEO, UN: BATSHIT

[slushfund]

(hiruma would call it a sob story were that necessary, a waste of breath for the majority who only ever give a damn peripherally, a pitiable confession, but honestly — sometimes he has trouble sliding into other people's shoes. none of that seems physically or mentally possible, despite this being the start of his very eye opening adventure, but there are better things to do than pick at a hurting man's explanation.)

Sounds rough.

(the full extent of his sympathy, empathy nonexistent on an angular face. moving right along to the point he can speak out on.)

Now that this is the case, man, I can easily second what you said. I know people have some kinda hate-boner for "barbarically" saving blank slates from their life of nothing, but these poor bastards should be put down before this becomes a popularity contest with the Taraxa. Says here they swap bodies for social status? As far as I can fucking tell, we're a little more notorious than the Qorral. Hottest topic this year.

Sooo, time to buck up and put selfish reservations aside. (selfish reservations, boy i am a fucking hypocrite.) It's gonna be shitty, but I'd rather not come outta this a slush-brained zombie.

[dishearten]

( he doesn't need sympathy. likely enough he wouldn't know what to do with it, anyway. he'd rather use his experience to try and apply himself to the situation at hand, as horrible as it is. )

It sounds to me they have no life left to them. I know the desire to save is strong, but when they infiltrate the way they do... I doubt there's anything left to save.

( a hunter would know the soft places of the ear and nose are the best way to land a blow deep to the brain. even if a taxara could be removed, they'd leave an absence that couldn't be replaced. healed, maybe, but those memories were gone. their quality of life likely was too. )

If they are already lost, we should do what we can to be sure they're the last to suffer.

video; un: sakurakinomoto

[keystaff]

[Sakura pays attention, given who this is. And while she knew there had been something going on that he wasn't comfortable then in telling her, this is.....not what she expected. Even if she had met the Huntsman back then or not.

She isn't sure what to say, as she feels her expression crumbling under the weight of this. It explains a lot. Sorry doesn't seem near enough. It already happened. And this evil queen isn't here as far as Sakura knows, to take advantage of this again. To use Graham like that.]

G-Graham-san....

[It'll take a moment, before she then thinks back and makes the connection to Sieglinde's earlier post. That person without a heart she mentioned back then.]

[dishearten]

( the only benefit of Regina crushing his heart in her palm was that she gave up the ability to control him ever again. he's free now, free to refuse and to make choices that are his own, no loner tainted by the whispers of another or a curse clouding his thoughts.

it's a shaky silver lining, in the end, but he values it immensely.

he's avoided telling all of Audentes the truth, though Sakura has the unfortunate luxury of being close enough to him that it could have been shared. he'd have kept it from her still if he could. she is still just a girl, and his past is dark enough for those fully grown. )

It's ... it's over now, Sakura. Try not to trouble yourself over something already done.

( because that's how it works, right? since it's over, it can be forgotten? if only that were true. )

voice; un: harmonia

[digiorno]

[He wonders if she's dead. He hopes she is.]

[That's the second thought he has, anyway. The first is anger--fury; the third is a deep, sudden respect. The first and the third are quietly audible in his voice, which is the only thing he shares, and not for his own sake. The second is--just his, for the moment.]

I agree with you.

[Simple. A pause, and then:]

Would it seem terribly condescending to you if I asked whether you're all right? Having shared all that, and being so close to all of this.

[dishearten]

( she's not. he has proof of that, thanks to Regina being a part of ALASTAIR for a time. she got the second chance she'd reused him, told him how much she'd changed and that she regretted it.

regret meant little, after decades of abuse.

he nods to the assent — his history was not to garner sympathy, simply understanding. because that would help see the Deemer to rest. ) If there's an alternative, I would welcome it. In the absence of one, we should find a way to see that their suffering ends as peacefully as we can.

( as for the question, he actually lifts his head enough to catch the stranger by the eye, even across the distance of their communicators. he looks sad, disheartened perhaps, weary — but all together, not as emotional as one might suspect. )

I still don't have the heart she stole from me. She crushed it more than a year ago, now. Without it I feel little. In instances like this one, I suppose that's a mercy.

( the only mercy Regina ever gave him. and entirely unintentional, too. )

text; un: MANDROID

[friendlykillingmachine]

As someone who's been in a similar position... I am prepared and equipped to end them mercifully.

[dishearten]

how do you mean to do it? I killed one in the ambush ( a fact that still manages to unsettle him, even without a heart ) and it seemed only a blow to the head served.

we must dispatch the parasite as well as the host, as well. for the sake of our team and the rest of the Qorral.

audio; un: JASPER

[hardnosed]

Is there any reason to believe they're still conscious?

[ She hadn't thought about any of this from a first-person perspective, and doesn't particularly want to. It invites internal comparisons she doesn't like, and as such she continues on a far douchier track. ]

Or is this speech supposed to make us feel better when we kill them?

[dishearten]

Little enough. They take root in the brain, and according to the information we have there's nothing left behind when they do.

( read it urself Jasper he ain't got no time to do it for you. )

Those that would take a life without care wouldn't be affected by my words to begin with. This isn't an easy task for most. But if my experience can prove to anyone that it should be done, it is worth sharing.

audio; un: cardmaster

[fateality]

I figure a lot of folks are gonna wanna try to save these people, if they can.

But you're not wrong. In the end, if nothin' can be done, then you gotta make a choice. How merciful you're gonna be.

For the record, I gotta say, takes a lot of guts to share this kind of personal stuff.

[dishearten]

It isn't that I don't want to save them. But with the information we have... I don't see how. When the brain is injured so severely, the memories are lost. Even if we could heal it, they'd be lacking everything that made them who they are, and past the age to properly formate again That is not a life, no more than the one they're living now.

I'd be happy to be proven wrong. If I'm not, I hope we can find a way to end their suffering quickly.

( he sighs. ) I'd have kept the coward if I could.

text; un: princess

[assent]

[ As she's only just arrived when all of this was going on, she's mostly kept her head down and tried to get by with just watching and observing everything that has been happening. Even the method of communication is strange to her, being more used to phones and computers that technology that sends information from your thoughts.

Her own thoughts are a mess after hearing his story. I hope that most of you do not know what it feels like he had said, yet she knows all too well. Brainwashing was a horrific thing to go through, more so when you have no recollection of it happening, to the point where you are not conscious of yourself at all. On top of that, loving and enjoying every second of the pain you've inflicted on not only on others but also yourself is something no one should have to live through, nevermind remember.

She understands Graham's pain probably more than most here. It grips her heart every day, knowing that because of that control by someone else she is part responsible for almost the end of her world. Countries are laid to ruin, fires all over the streets with buildings torn down. People, normal every day to day civilians have also been brainwashed into violence and suicide. She, as a princess of her country in Europe, had taken the crown for herself and became a poster of Despair. A face for propaganda as her and her classmates wrecked the world.

She's shaking after hearing this, and it's partly why she hasn't responded to the other post that went out to them all before. It's hard to deal with when it's all so fresh.

It's ironic that even after feeling and knowing all this, she can't bring herself to offer her condolences in the way she probably should. ]

Everyone deserves a chance, but I understand that if nothing can be done, it is more merciful to end it all.

[ Because in the end, her and her friends are trying to make amends now, and she can't help but hope that the shells left behind might be able to come back as well. She has to believe that, because over half her class are still unconscious in a coma after being killed in a virtual world. ]

[dishearten]

( it isn't something he'd wish on anyone. Regina had never compelled him to enjoy the damage she caused with his hands, though she could have if she wanted. perhaps she'd liked knowing he would resist and fail. that no matter how much he didn't want to, he'd do as she bid. in the end the scars left behind are just as deep, and a terrible thing to share with someone else.

the text is easier than speaking, a part of him welcomes the focus on the taxara over himself. )

I would like to save them as much as the rest of our team, but all information available to us says their chance was lost the second they were inhabited.
I want nothing more to be wrong. But if I'm not, we should prepare for the worst.

video | UN: ANIKI

[dokyuu]

Well, that's fucked up...

[But his voice isn't without sympathy. He's never been controlled like that, but he has been manipulated to the point of nearly doing something that would have left him unable to forgive himself, so he can vaguely imagine.]

I'm with you, though. Not big on going after innocent people, 'specially if they're not in control, but after a point... well.

We might be doin' them a favor, yeah.

[dishearten]

Nor am I, but these reports... it sounds as if the innocent in them was stolen the second the Taxara took root. The body remains, but the sentience does not.

( could that kind of damage be healed, even if the Taxara were removed? even if it could be healed, would those memories return? could they be given a passable quality of life, after such a large portion of their brain had been damaged?

he thinks not, hence his appeal. )

All I can ask is that we prepare a solution, in case it is needed. I hope it isn't, but we cannot simply leave them this way.

video; un: diclonius

[scarredhorns]

["To not be in control of yourself." Unfortunately, Nyuu did know how that felt, but unlike Graham, she couldn't see the things Lucy did while in control, which was probably for the better even though Nyuu didn't feel that way.]

I've never killed anyone before... and I don't believe that I could start now, even with everything we now know.

[Sure, Nana mentioned that Lucy had, but not Nyuu.]

[dishearten]

I understand. Even if it is a mercy to bring them to rest, that doesn't make it any easier.

( he's already killed some of the Deemer, and it comes with the unhappy knowledge of taking an innocent life in return. it's not easily done, but if they cannot be saved, in his opinion it must be. )

I would not ask that of you, or anyone else. I hope to find a way to put them to rest peacefully, if at all possible.

video; un: redlion

[secondnature]

So, if you had a team like ours there to help you, you'd want us to give up on you?

[This is the most insensitive response ever, but he's irritated. What he sent out to everyone was that there was a chance. What this sounds like is giving up entirely, all without trying. The end result might be the same, but it's stupid not to try.]

Well, that's stupid.

I'm not doing that with them. I'd consider doing it with you since you seem to think that's a great idea.

[Thanks, Keith.]

[dishearten]

( he exhales, just once, and then he answers. still on a remarkably even keel... or maybe it's not that remarkable anymore, when everyone knows he has no heart. )

I'd have rather died than do harm against my will, yes. I can't say what these people would want, but that's my point. All information we have says there's nothing left to them to want anything.

( no comment on the whole letting him die over being controlled. already been there and done it, bud. )

I'd like to be wrong. If I'm not, then we need a solution for how to help them, in the only way we can.

video: un: swan

[sheriffing]

[ It takes a while for Emma to respond to the video. She feels like she should, even if her initial response is an emotional one. He's better off not seeing it, not having to deal with her hurt when he's so detached from his own, so she waits until she has something to say.

He doesn't need her to take on the pain he can't feel, he needs someone to listen to him. When she does, she doubts it's any surprise that they're in agreement.]

You're right.

[ It's not murder, it's mercy. Emma will throw herself into saving them, but if that can't be done, if there's no other way...]

How?

[dishearten]

( he's not exactly surprised that Emma agrees with him, but he can't quite expect it either. it isn't quite the heroic perspective, to want these souls to be at peace instead of fighting tooth and nail to save them, now is it? but he wants that, he does, and he will do what he can to try and make it happen.

if it can't, then he wants to know they have a solution. )

If we could generate some sort of anti-parasitic, we could distribute it to all of them with limited violence. That might be a leap, though.

( he doesn't have a scientific mind, he could maybe figure it out through dangerous trial and error, but he's not sure... and he doesn't have that kind of time. )

AUDIO. UN: LOKI

[selfimage]

[ that's a feeling Loki knows all too well.

as much as he's struggled, changed, and reinvented himself, he's still a pawn to someone—whether it be the Norns, his mother, or himself.

but these sorts of missions hit a strange memory inside of him, one that he's sure that Graham has hit as well. ]

I don't know about hatred—desperation, perhaps. [ his mother had been desperate. ] Though I suppose the means and the ends are still the same.

[dishearten]

In my case, it was hatred.

( he's had too many nights to think about how it happened, why it happened, how he could have changed it. he doesn't forgive Regina, he doesn't think he ever will, but it was more than simply trying to make him suffer. she translated her own suffering into making everyone else suffer with her.

it's not the point. maybe there isn't one. no matter what motivated, that didn't heal the people left in the crossfire. knowing the motivations of it didn't fix the damage left behind.

now that you have his secrets, Loki, do you still want them? )

As for the Taxara... hard to say what motivates them, but if they're trying to get back at ALASTAIR, I don't know that it's desperation that leads them, either. Perhaps both.

video | un: latrodectus

[expatriates]

[ Graham has the bravery to give voice to all the sentiments that Natasha is too closed off to share. She's been someone else's weapon before. She's been without the agency to choose her own fate, indoctrinated. It's not the same as what Graham has been through, or Bucky, or what the Taraxa do, but it's close enough for her to draw the parallels.

And her instinct is to affirm him, to agree that killing them will free them in the only way they can now. But she also knows that the people she has tried to model herself after since gaining the luxury of that freedom would say just the opposite: Clint, Steve, they're the kind of people who would pursue an alternate solution, a real solution, until it killed them. They had ripped apart the Avengers just to prove one man's innocence. ]

Let's not declare them past saving just yet.

[dishearten]

I'm not.

( he wants just as much for there to be an answer out there. possibly more. he can see himself in the shoes of these people all too easily, and if there was a chance, why would he not want to take it? the shattered reality he had left behind was still one worth living, worth fighting for.

it was a simply a question of whether they had anything left after the taxara were removed. if they didn't, they needed a plan B, and they would do better to have at least a few minds on each task. )

I hope we can help them. If we can't, we need to have a solution. However uncomfortable it happens to be.

[fivenareff]

You're not wrong. And if there's anything left of them in there, no matter how small, I think they'd agree.

[A little pause. To his mild surprise, most people seem to be agreeing with them, so that isn't worth a whole lot. Better to just get to his real point, which is:]

I suppose compared to you I got off lucky. My enslavement was only a few months long, and I don't remember most of it.

What finally allowed you to escape yours?

[dishearten]

It sounds cruel, but it'd almost be better if there's nothing left.

( it'd be better that way, to not remember and not to understand what was happening. as for the rest of it, it's rather unnerving to think of many of their number has suffered the same. how many people had suffered this way? )

If you spent any time at all at the will of another, I wouldn't call it lucky. It was wrong whether you remember it or not.

( as for how he's free now... well, he doesn't really have to answer that. it's not going to help the Deemer anyway. still, why hold back when the rest was in the open? ) She crushed my heart. That's what she used to control me. ( Regina had been so angry by his abandonment, she'd killed him over using him anymore. now that he has memories, he can't even be surprised. didn't she always promise she'd kill him for leaving her? )

audio; un: beloved

[dailydouble]

[ This was more than he wanted to have in common with anyone. He was free now, but the memory would always linger. ]

If other options fail, I will aid you in bringing them to rest. I too know what it is, to be a slave.

[dishearten]

Thank you.

( that's all he asks. it's the most lacking of resolution, but at least there'd be one. )

It's not something I'd want for anyone. I hope you have your freedom now.

text | un: Sasaki

[ex_adept136]

[Haise knows what it is to lose himself, to not have control of his own body...

He can't claim it's the same thing at all, but it's enough to let him imagine, as is the fact that he's treated as a living weapon back home. In body and mind, Haise is the one taking action, but he doesn't always have a say in what he does.

But he could choose death by refusal. It doesn't sound like Graham ever had even that choice, grim as it would be. The Deemers don't have that choice either]

Let's do all we can to save them, so that it doesn't come to that. I have to believe we're capable of finding a way.

If not, I...

[The thought trails off. If all they can do is afford them freedom through death, Haise can't deny that it would be more merciful than leaving them as puppets]

I know words may count for so little, but I'm sorry you've been in such a position before. You've been a reliable teammate, and I'd not wish that on anyone.

[dishearten]

( in theory, he could have chosen death. trying to run was supposed to be a death sentence, and yet Regina had never killed him for all his attempts. only found ways to make even attempting to leave more miserable than submitting. why kill him when she could use him? when she delighted in her power over him?

In the end she'd only granted him death because she was angry. )

I agree. we have many powerful magic users and healers with us. perhaps there's something.

( he wants there to be something. he brought up the need to have a backup plan, but not even graham really wants to use it. )

it shouldn't happen to anyone. I wish I could help the Deemer more, for knowing what they're living. I got a second chance, but I don't know if they will.