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VIDEO | un: huntsman

( this post has been a long time coming. he's needed time to digest the news of the fate of the deemer, and that's even without a heart. it's uncomfortable to be faced with a legion of those that suffered as he had, only worse. by all intents and appearances, there was nothing left of them now.

does that make him lucky? that a part of him still remains, however dismantled from being controlled for decades?

lucky or not, it gives him perspective. a lot of perspective. and for better or worse, he feels the need to share it, in the hopes the rest of the team might understand a little better. )

By now I'm sure all of us know the condition of the Demeers. That they are being manipulated and controlled by a force outside themselves. All information we have indicates that there is nothing left to them after the Taxara infiltrate, their personality wiped and their body lost as a vessel for the means of another.

( he grimaces, unable to quite look the team in the eye as he continues. )

I hope that most of you do not know what it feels like, to not be in control of yourself. It is not a feeling I'd wish on anyone, because I've lived it. I was enslaved for longer than I lived freely. When I was young and foolish— ( some of Audentes can remember that man, thanks to the time shenanigans back in Oska. the Huntsman, full of heart, but full of anger too. ) —I made a promise I ultimately refused to keep. And I paid for it, when an evil queen stole my heart and used it to control me.

( he's outing himself, as the man Sieglinde is trying to help. Graham himself is starting to realize that is too much weight for her to carry; he'll have to broaden his search. but not now, not when there's more important tasks at hand. )

She made me steal. She made me hurt. She made me kill. She made me... do whatever would please her. And I could not resist, nor escape, though it didn't stop me from trying. I have been in the place of these people, for longer than most of you have lived. If it is true, that there's nothing of them left after these creatures took them over, then they are lucky to not have to witness their hands doing the work of another. But even if they are not, believe me when I say living as a slave to the hatred of someone else is a fate worse than death.

If we cannot save them, we owe it to them to bring them to rest.

( it's a negative perspective, and he knows it. but if he were in their place, and he has been in their place... he knows what he would want. )

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(hiruma would call it a sob story were that necessary, a waste of breath for the majority who only ever give a damn peripherally, a pitiable confession, but honestly — sometimes he has trouble sliding into other people's shoes. none of that seems physically or mentally possible, despite this being the start of his very eye opening adventure, but there are better things to do than pick at a hurting man's explanation.)

Sounds rough.

(the full extent of his sympathy, empathy nonexistent on an angular face. moving right along to the point he can speak out on.)

Now that this is the case, man, I can easily second what you said. I know people have some kinda hate-boner for "barbarically" saving blank slates from their life of nothing, but these poor bastards should be put down before this becomes a popularity contest with the Taraxa. Says here they swap bodies for social status? As far as I can fucking tell, we're a little more notorious than the Qorral. Hottest topic this year.

Sooo, time to buck up and put selfish reservations aside. (selfish reservations, boy i am a fucking hypocrite.) It's gonna be shitty, but I'd rather not come outta this a slush-brained zombie.

[Sakura pays attention, given who this is. And while she knew there had been something going on that he wasn't comfortable then in telling her, this is.....not what she expected. Even if she had met the Huntsman back then or not.

She isn't sure what to say, as she feels her expression crumbling under the weight of this. It explains a lot. Sorry doesn't seem near enough. It already happened. And this evil queen isn't here as far as Sakura knows, to take advantage of this again. To use Graham like that.]

G-Graham-san....

[It'll take a moment, before she then thinks back and makes the connection to Sieglinde's earlier post. That person without a heart she mentioned back then.]

[He wonders if she's dead. He hopes she is.]

[That's the second thought he has, anyway. The first is anger--fury; the third is a deep, sudden respect. The first and the third are quietly audible in his voice, which is the only thing he shares, and not for his own sake. The second is--just his, for the moment.]

I agree with you.

[Simple. A pause, and then:]

Would it seem terribly condescending to you if I asked whether you're all right? Having shared all that, and being so close to all of this.

As someone who's been in a similar position... I am prepared and equipped to end them mercifully.

Is there any reason to believe they're still conscious?

[ She hadn't thought about any of this from a first-person perspective, and doesn't particularly want to. It invites internal comparisons she doesn't like, and as such she continues on a far douchier track. ]

Or is this speech supposed to make us feel better when we kill them?

I figure a lot of folks are gonna wanna try to save these people, if they can.

But you're not wrong. In the end, if nothin' can be done, then you gotta make a choice. How merciful you're gonna be.

For the record, I gotta say, takes a lot of guts to share this kind of personal stuff.

[ As she's only just arrived when all of this was going on, she's mostly kept her head down and tried to get by with just watching and observing everything that has been happening. Even the method of communication is strange to her, being more used to phones and computers that technology that sends information from your thoughts.

Her own thoughts are a mess after hearing his story. I hope that most of you do not know what it feels like he had said, yet she knows all too well. Brainwashing was a horrific thing to go through, more so when you have no recollection of it happening, to the point where you are not conscious of yourself at all. On top of that, loving and enjoying every second of the pain you've inflicted on not only on others but also yourself is something no one should have to live through, nevermind remember.

She understands Graham's pain probably more than most here. It grips her heart every day, knowing that because of that control by someone else she is part responsible for almost the end of her world. Countries are laid to ruin, fires all over the streets with buildings torn down. People, normal every day to day civilians have also been brainwashed into violence and suicide. She, as a princess of her country in Europe, had taken the crown for herself and became a poster of Despair. A face for propaganda as her and her classmates wrecked the world.

She's shaking after hearing this, and it's partly why she hasn't responded to the other post that went out to them all before. It's hard to deal with when it's all so fresh.

It's ironic that even after feeling and knowing all this, she can't bring herself to offer her condolences in the way she probably should. ]

Everyone deserves a chance, but I understand that if nothing can be done, it is more merciful to end it all.

[ Because in the end, her and her friends are trying to make amends now, and she can't help but hope that the shells left behind might be able to come back as well. She has to believe that, because over half her class are still unconscious in a coma after being killed in a virtual world. ]

( he doesn't need sympathy. likely enough he wouldn't know what to do with it, anyway. he'd rather use his experience to try and apply himself to the situation at hand, as horrible as it is. )

It sounds to me they have no life left to them. I know the desire to save is strong, but when they infiltrate the way they do... I doubt there's anything left to save.

( a hunter would know the soft places of the ear and nose are the best way to land a blow deep to the brain. even if a taxara could be removed, they'd leave an absence that couldn't be replaced. healed, maybe, but those memories were gone. their quality of life likely was too. )

If they are already lost, we should do what we can to be sure they're the last to suffer.

( the only benefit of Regina crushing his heart in her palm was that she gave up the ability to control him ever again. he's free now, free to refuse and to make choices that are his own, no loner tainted by the whispers of another or a curse clouding his thoughts.

it's a shaky silver lining, in the end, but he values it immensely.

he's avoided telling all of Audentes the truth, though Sakura has the unfortunate luxury of being close enough to him that it could have been shared. he'd have kept it from her still if he could. she is still just a girl, and his past is dark enough for those fully grown. )

It's ... it's over now, Sakura. Try not to trouble yourself over something already done.

( because that's how it works, right? since it's over, it can be forgotten? if only that were true. )

( she's not. he has proof of that, thanks to Regina being a part of ALASTAIR for a time. she got the second chance she'd reused him, told him how much she'd changed and that she regretted it.

regret meant little, after decades of abuse.

he nods to the assent — his history was not to garner sympathy, simply understanding. because that would help see the Deemer to rest. ) If there's an alternative, I would welcome it. In the absence of one, we should find a way to see that their suffering ends as peacefully as we can.

( as for the question, he actually lifts his head enough to catch the stranger by the eye, even across the distance of their communicators. he looks sad, disheartened perhaps, weary — but all together, not as emotional as one might suspect. )

I still don't have the heart she stole from me. She crushed it more than a year ago, now. Without it I feel little. In instances like this one, I suppose that's a mercy.

( the only mercy Regina ever gave him. and entirely unintentional, too. )

how do you mean to do it? I killed one in the ambush ( a fact that still manages to unsettle him, even without a heart ) and it seemed only a blow to the head served.

we must dispatch the parasite as well as the host, as well. for the sake of our team and the rest of the Qorral.

I understand. The best possible outcome is freedom. The best possible outcome is only occasionally available in the real world, though.

[His expression flickers a little at that suggestion--that it's a mercy. He has a thousand memories of hearts metaphorically frozen, his own and others. Moody Blues playing the past over and over again, guilt wrapped tight in a vice grip; a report of numb fingers drifting over a piano keyboard, projecting emotion and feeling none of it; his own dead eyes in a mirror for years and years and years.]

[Slowly, he shakes his head. Just a little.]

I don't mean to offend. But even in grief and pain, feeling nothing is never preferable. Even emotions that hurt should be felt.

[Or . . . no. He pauses, rephrases.]

Even emotions that hurt have the potential to heal, if you feel them for all that they are. I think that's more correct. Feeling nothing is a black hole.

Little enough. They take root in the brain, and according to the information we have there's nothing left behind when they do.

( read it urself Jasper he ain't got no time to do it for you. )

Those that would take a life without care wouldn't be affected by my words to begin with. This isn't an easy task for most. But if my experience can prove to anyone that it should be done, it is worth sharing.

It isn't that I don't want to save them. But with the information we have... I don't see how. When the brain is injured so severely, the memories are lost. Even if we could heal it, they'd be lacking everything that made them who they are, and past the age to properly formate again That is not a life, no more than the one they're living now.

I'd be happy to be proven wrong. If I'm not, I hope we can find a way to end their suffering quickly.

( he sighs. ) I'd have kept the coward if I could.

( it isn't something he'd wish on anyone. Regina had never compelled him to enjoy the damage she caused with his hands, though she could have if she wanted. perhaps she'd liked knowing he would resist and fail. that no matter how much he didn't want to, he'd do as she bid. in the end the scars left behind are just as deep, and a terrible thing to share with someone else.

the text is easier than speaking, a part of him welcomes the focus on the taxara over himself. )

I would like to save them as much as the rest of our team, but all information available to us says their chance was lost the second they were inhabited.
I want nothing more to be wrong. But if I'm not, we should prepare for the worst.

Seems it's rarely a choice in any sort of world.

( even fairytale worlds sometimes had to own up to the fact not everyone got a happy ending. he'd be delighted to perfectly rehabilitate the Deemer, but the likelihood seems narrow at best. not always is it kindest to force life to continue when the quality of it could only decline.

Giorno's words cause a bleak twist of his lips, some grim facsimile of a smile, vacant of any sense of joy. ) Someone told me once that not feeling anything was preferable, when what you felt sucked. ( absolutely not paraphrasing there, presenting the wise words of Emma Swan. )

After I remembered, for some time, I thought that was so. Now I'm more inclined to agree with you, but that's a matter for another day. I'd see the Deemer a resolution before I worry for myself.

( he's started on trying to find a way back to emotion and actually living again, no matter how little he has to look forward to. He needs to try harder at that. but he is at least stable; he can wait. the Deemer should not. )

Blow to the head with high energy firearms. The heat is sure to destroy any parasite living inside.

It helps that I'm also bulletproof. That's part of why I'm volunteering.

I suppose that'd do it, but there are hundreds of them to consider

when they're connected to a mother, it's very likely that you couldn't get to many before they turned on you. there's surely a better solution.

( something with the insects themselves, he thinks... though he wishes Sieglinde were with them, and not back in Oska. she'd know more about this than he, though Graham supposes she needs the reprieve as well. )

Well, that's fucked up...

[But his voice isn't without sympathy. He's never been controlled like that, but he has been manipulated to the point of nearly doing something that would have left him unable to forgive himself, so he can vaguely imagine.]

I'm with you, though. Not big on going after innocent people, 'specially if they're not in control, but after a point... well.

We might be doin' them a favor, yeah.

["To not be in control of yourself." Unfortunately, Nyuu did know how that felt, but unlike Graham, she couldn't see the things Lucy did while in control, which was probably for the better even though Nyuu didn't feel that way.]

I've never killed anyone before... and I don't believe that I could start now, even with everything we now know.

[Sure, Nana mentioned that Lucy had, but not Nyuu.]

No reason, then.

[ Organic anatomy is needlessly complicated okay, all the real cool kids have their entire personality and consciousness stored in a rock. ]

Not that this team needs any to become mindlessly sentimental. "Care" shouldn't make a difference. These slugs brought the fight to us. They're not going to stop until we bring it to them, whether Audentes likes it or not.

You don't hear me disagreeing. But I figure if there's even a slim chance, folks 'round here are gonna want to try. I think it's proper to prepare ourselves for the very real possibility that we're gonna have to put 'em out of their misery, though. Like y'said.

[He laughs wryly.] Well. Can't run forever, I suppose.

So, if you had a team like ours there to help you, you'd want us to give up on you?

[This is the most insensitive response ever, but he's irritated. What he sent out to everyone was that there was a chance. What this sounds like is giving up entirely, all without trying. The end result might be the same, but it's stupid not to try.]

Well, that's stupid.

I'm not doing that with them. I'd consider doing it with you since you seem to think that's a great idea.

[Thanks, Keith.]

But...she....you had to....

[No, Graham. As much as that might seem the simple and logical thing here, it isn't. Not for Sakura, at least. Upset that this happened at all, that Graham had to endure that, that anyone would have to.

So there's going to be tears, Sakura holding her hands to her face to try cover it, but her shaking shoulders probably betray her upset. She's never been good at steeling herself, at not wearing her heart on her sleeve.]

You're right. Taking out the 'Mother' slug is essential. There's already a short list of suspects floating around and it includes Miz Poppy from the saloon and even the town Sheriff as potential 'Mother' hosts.

But if worse comes to worst, I probably won't have much to worry about. I don't think I meet the criteria of a desired host.

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