VIDEO | un: huntsman

[dishearten]

( this post has been a long time coming. he's needed time to digest the news of the fate of the deemer, and that's even without a heart. it's uncomfortable to be faced with a legion of those that suffered as he had, only worse. by all intents and appearances, there was nothing left of them now.

does that make him lucky? that a part of him still remains, however dismantled from being controlled for decades?

lucky or not, it gives him perspective. a lot of perspective. and for better or worse, he feels the need to share it, in the hopes the rest of the team might understand a little better. )

By now I'm sure all of us know the condition of the Demeers. That they are being manipulated and controlled by a force outside themselves. All information we have indicates that there is nothing left to them after the Taxara infiltrate, their personality wiped and their body lost as a vessel for the means of another.

( he grimaces, unable to quite look the team in the eye as he continues. )

I hope that most of you do not know what it feels like, to not be in control of yourself. It is not a feeling I'd wish on anyone, because I've lived it. I was enslaved for longer than I lived freely. When I was young and foolish— ( some of Audentes can remember that man, thanks to the time shenanigans back in Oska. the Huntsman, full of heart, but full of anger too. ) —I made a promise I ultimately refused to keep. And I paid for it, when an evil queen stole my heart and used it to control me.

( he's outing himself, as the man Sieglinde is trying to help. Graham himself is starting to realize that is too much weight for her to carry; he'll have to broaden his search. but not now, not when there's more important tasks at hand. )

She made me steal. She made me hurt. She made me kill. She made me... do whatever would please her. And I could not resist, nor escape, though it didn't stop me from trying. I have been in the place of these people, for longer than most of you have lived. If it is true, that there's nothing of them left after these creatures took them over, then they are lucky to not have to witness their hands doing the work of another. But even if they are not, believe me when I say living as a slave to the hatred of someone else is a fate worse than death.

If we cannot save them, we owe it to them to bring them to rest.

( it's a negative perspective, and he knows it. but if he were in their place, and he has been in their place... he knows what he would want. )

Comments

[dishearten]

I understand. Even if it is a mercy to bring them to rest, that doesn't make it any easier.

( he's already killed some of the Deemer, and it comes with the unhappy knowledge of taking an innocent life in return. it's not easily done, but if they cannot be saved, in his opinion it must be. )

I would not ask that of you, or anyone else. I hope to find a way to put them to rest peacefully, if at all possible.

[scarredhorns]

I still want to believe there's a way to help them, though. We won't know until we try!

[dishearten]

I want to believe there's a way, too.

( he does, though the tone of the post might not reflect it well. )

I just want to be ready if there isn't.

[scarredhorns]

How exactly does one prepare for such a thing?

[She still doesn't even understand why Lucy kills.]

[dishearten]

I don't know if there's any easy way to answer that question. It might be better if you never had to find one.

[scarredhorns]

[Nyuu's eyes go downcast in contemplation. Whatever Lucy did was outside her control, but what if there came a time where she had to defend herself and the only option was to kill her attacker? No way could she bring herself to do such a thing, or rather, she didn't want to entertain the idea that she could.]

I know it might not mean much coming from a stranger, but I'm sorry you had to go through all that huntsman-san. I can't even begin to imagine how much suffering you had to endure.

[dishearten]

You can call me Graham.

( his username wasn't the best indicator of his identity, anymore. he was more than just a huntsman now. )

It does mean much. Thank you. ( acknowledgement meant a great deal, even if it couldn't change what he'd experienced. just the simple recognition it had been wrong was an odd sort of relief. )

What's your name? I'm sorry this was the way we had to meet.

[scarredhorns]

[She shakes her head.]

Don't be, there's just been so many things that have happened recently. I'm Nyuu.

[dishearten]

There is always much going on, it is not a proper excuse to be blind.

( no matter what is going on around him, he always tries to keep a clear head. tries, and fails, it seems, but he can make up for lost time. )

It's nice to meet you.

[scarredhorns]

You as well, Graham-san, but...

[She's hesitant to ask this and squirms a bit in her seat, but in the end she decides to go through with it.]

I was listening to what you were saying earlier, about how living like a slave is worse than death, but would we really be doing the right thing by taking their life?

[She was told that killing was wrong, and with her amnesia, Nyuu had a rather naive view of "good and bad."

[dishearten]

I think the right thing to do is to free them. If they cannot be saved from the Taxara, leaving them in the hands of their tormentors is cruel.

( there's a lot of if and unknown, and they might not have time to get answers to all their questions. but looking at the information he has? graham would say giving them freedom, even the freedom of death, would be preferable to letting the Taxara continue to use them against their will. even if they likely enough had no will left to go against. )

[scarredhorns]

Then is killing considered a good thing sometimes?

[dishearten]

Some choices, there is not a right and a wrong, a good and a bad.

Sometimes you're simply left with bad and worse.

( is that a cop-out answer? maybe. he believes it quite keenly, though. )

[scarredhorns]

There's not?

[Just when she's about to ask yet another question, she pauses and closes her mouth instead, taking a moment to mull over what was just said.

There was no right and wrong? No good and bad? Such ideas went against what she was taught, but she also keeps in mind another thing that Kouta and Yuka told her: everyone has their own opinions and though not all of them hold truth, there are others that do. However, Nyuu still lacked enough life experience (that she could remember) to be able to discern whether or not Graham's words had some truth to them.]

So it's like a "choose the lesser of two evils" situation?

[dishearten]

Yes. I would say there is. If it is between subservience and death, there's no real winning, is there?

( he hopes he's wrong, that there's a better answer they just aren't seeing. if there isn't, though, they need to be prepared to do what they have to. even if it isn't much better than the alternative. )