futurology | VIDEO | un: huntsman

( this post has been a long time coming. he's needed time to digest the news of the fate of the deemer, and that's even without a heart. it's uncomfortable to be faced with a legion of those that suffered as he had, only worse. by all intents and appearances, there was nothing left of them now.

does that make him lucky? that a part of him still remains, however dismantled from being controlled for decades?

lucky or not, it gives him perspective. a lot of perspective. and for better or worse, he feels the need to share it, in the hopes the rest of the team might understand a little better. )

By now I'm sure all of us know the condition of the Demeers. That they are being manipulated and controlled by a force outside themselves. All information we have indicates that there is nothing left to them after the Taxara infiltrate, their personality wiped and their body lost as a vessel for the means of another.

( he grimaces, unable to quite look the team in the eye as he continues. )

I hope that most of you do not know what it feels like, to not be in control of yourself. It is not a feeling I'd wish on anyone, because I've lived it. I was enslaved for longer than I lived freely. When I was young and foolish— ( some of Audentes can remember that man, thanks to the time shenanigans back in Oska. the Huntsman, full of heart, but full of anger too. ) —I made a promise I ultimately refused to keep. And I paid for it, when an evil queen stole my heart and used it to control me.

( he's outing himself, as the man Sieglinde is trying to help. Graham himself is starting to realize that is too much weight for her to carry; he'll have to broaden his search. but not now, not when there's more important tasks at hand. )

She made me steal. She made me hurt. She made me kill. She made me... do whatever would please her. And I could not resist, nor escape, though it didn't stop me from trying. I have been in the place of these people, for longer than most of you have lived. If it is true, that there's nothing of them left after these creatures took them over, then they are lucky to not have to witness their hands doing the work of another. But even if they are not, believe me when I say living as a slave to the hatred of someone else is a fate worse than death.

If we cannot save them, we owe it to them to bring them to rest.

( it's a negative perspective, and he knows it. but if he were in their place, and he has been in their place... he knows what he would want. )

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My -- my tent.

[She would be in her room but, well. With the fire and all. The tent is the best she's managed during the aftermath. There isn't anywhere else to really go at the moment, especially while she's still recovering and has at least a couple of people aware of the fact.]

( yes, a room isn't an option for most of them anymore. Graham knows where her tent is, he's checked on her a handful of times since the fire. it isn't that hard to go and find her now.

and perhaps he should have warned her that was what he was up to, instead of silence and then a quiet murmur outside the cloth opening, still drawn closed. )

Sakura... ( the absence of deep emotion is obvious, especially in a moment where she carries so much, but he's here anyway. he can be here, and he hopes that helps comfort her at least a little. )

[She's used to him and others wanting to keep an eye on her on missions in general, let alone this one. When she's been more seriously injured, when she hears something like this.

But she figures he's intending to check on her again, when he asks where she is. So she isn't as surprised as she might be when he enters the tent. She's not sure if the instinctive desire to hug at his waist is meant to comfort herself or Graham, but regardless, it is what it is.]

I didn't know....

[Well. He mentioned some sort of 'power' of his. But even then she hadn't expected the context like this.]

( she needn't worry too much about comforting him. that's not the aim of it, and one might argue trying to comfort the heartless might be a bit of a lost cause at that. he's starting to realize it's not the whole truth, even if he can't understand it. the closeness of those that matter to him does comfort him, and that's why he hopes his presence will do the same for her.

he lets one hand rest on her head and the other arm move around her, a gentle hug knowing she's worse off than he is. injured and completely able to feel the pain of it. )

How could you? I didn't want you to. ( and this is why — how much it upsets her. it seems cruel to upset her for something so far gone, already passed. upsetting her does nothing to make his history go away, so why would he chose to do it? ) It was dark then, it's over now. My life is brighter now than I've ever known it, and you know you are a part of that.

But I could have helped.....Or at least, knowing would be better.

[Okay, maybe not. She's not sure any of her Cards could help with something like this. But even so, a lot makes sense in hindsight with this revelation. Her bottom lip trembles and forms a slight pout at that but she looks up from his shirt at that.]

I am?

I wish that were so, but there's nothing more you can do for me than what you already are.

( there's not a magical cure to what he's already suffered. there's no way to take away the pain of decades being beyond his own control, there's no getting back the years he spent heartless and alone and not understanding who he was or why he felt so empty. nothing except perhaps losing the memories all over again, and no matter how dark they were, he wouldn't consent to losing so much of himself all over again.

a sad thought; that he couldn't be himself without the trauma of what he'd experienced, anymore. )

Of course you are. The queen told me I'd never feel a true emotion without my heart, but I think she was wrong. To have a part in your life, has made me very happy. ( he's had a life of very limited happiness. he knows to reach for what he can now that he is able to identify it. it might have taken him a year to understand, but now he knows. he holds her a little tighter, though he remains cautious to hurt her own injury. ) And your tears make me sad, so don't cry. There is much dark in the world, but that is why we must hold onto the light.

Happy....I'm not sure, how it works, you being alive without your heart but. If you're happy, then that's good.

[She just wishes, if those feelings are muted without his heart, that she could help more. Help restore it somehow so he benefits all the more, even if it might also seem a heavy burden in it's own way. The negative emotions also likely being that much stronger as well as the positives.

Still, Sakura gives a nod of agreement, clumsily wiping at her tears with her sleeve of her shirt, as best she can between them, before returning the embrace.]

( he's not sure he understands, either. by the magical rules of his own world, he shouldn't still be alive. the only conclusion he's been able to come to is that ALASTAIR preserves him in some way; he's likely more useful 'alive' than he is in the ground. perhaps that indicates he could ask them for some sort of replacement to his heart, though his willing to do that is still lacking. he doesn't despise ALASTAIR quite as much as the queen, but enough that he wouldn't trust them to grant him a heart that would be truly his own.

he rubs at the tearstains at her cheeks, too, managing a smile, even if it's a sad one. ) It's very good. I've decided I like it, being happy. Could do with more of it. ( he's teasing her now, trying to lighten her spirits, however slightly. he can't stand the tears, those have to stop as soon as he can manage. ) Think you can help me with that? Anything that makes you happy, perhaps, I ought give that a try.

[She pauses at that, considering it for a moment.]

Something that makes me happy? Hm. I like spending time with my friends after school, having sleepovers, going out to eat, oh, and festivals!

[She seems to brighten with each idea, nostalgic while also filled with a longing at the memories, that she could do all of it again just as soon as she gets home. Here even, though with different friends. Which makes it almost bittersweet, even as she tries to concentrate on Graham.]

I guess we could do most of that even with ALASTAIR and all.

Indeed we could. I don't know that I've ever gone to a festival; perhaps we should host one, one day. You and me.

( bittersweet or not, it's better than the tears. he's happy to imagine getting a little more time together. he knows that their time will be short, when sooner or later she will go home to the family and friends she misses so much, and he will remain, as he must.

he means it when he says she's a great part of what makes him happy, and surprisingly enough, making her happy is one of the greater parts of that. if he can distract her with better thoughts, then he will. he always will, as long as he's able. )

We should! It'd be fun. Or at least, we can go to the next one together.

[She's still not quite sure how he does it. Turns things around like this. Going from her fretting and crying over him and his circumstances to giving her something to look forward to together.]

VIDEO | un: huntsman

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to action!!

action;

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wrap here possibly?

here works for me, yes!