video; un: PERIDOT5XG

[slapfight]

Since we have our new marching orders, and are preparing to depart relatively soon, I feel as if I should go on record admitting my one weakness.

[she makes an agitated noise.] I'm not good at blending in.

[she holds up her hands, suddenly excited.]

But! But I have learned that the one thing that sets me apart is that I'm considered to be very funny. So by using my natural gift for comedy, I will surely keep the natives off guard while we plan out our strategies.

The problem is I don't have many jokes. The one about the chicken, while hilarious, will probably lose its charm after awhile, so in the name of preserving teamwork, I ask of you, my fellow Audentes, to give me, the great and lovable Peridot, your best jokes.

Comments

[feytality]

[there's a very, very, very, very, very long silence]









Please tell me that's not the only joke you know.

[slapfight]

It's the only joke I know that... doesn't make people feel bad.

[she could start making fun of people again...]

[feytality]

[Maya's not going to say no to that, if this is the alternative!!]

Sometimes, you have to make sacrifices in the name of comedy! What else have you got?!

[slapfight]

[oh god way to put her on the spot.]

What is it about humans? They're so inefficient. Can you imagine what they could accomplish if they didn't spend eighty-five percent of their lives sleeping to regain energy, eating to regain energy, and then expelling it? They have entire rooms dedicated to all three of those things! It's ridiculous!

[feytality]

[Peridot, why are you so bad at jokes]

Okay, okay, dressing up like a green dorito and pretending to be an alien is a good start, but you could do so much better than that! Like... "Why do people always call it a funny bone? Because it's hilarious when people hit it!" Or "What's the deal with elbows? Unlickable or what?" Or.... "EARS."

Get where I'm going with this?

[don't take comedy tips from Maya]

[slapfight]

[hold on. back up.]

..."dressing up?"

[feytality]

You know! Your green cosplay and dorito hat! It's pretty good. I even like the third eye thingy you've got going... though it kinda looks like a rock.

So, come on, you can totally do better!

[slapfight]

...It's a peridot, actually.

[what the fuck, Maya.]

I'm a Peridot. This is what I look like. [FURIOUS BLUSHING] I do not have to do better.

[feytality]

Really? Aren't they.. like.. priceless gems? [???]

[Maybe she's being a little hard on this girl...]

[(She thinks Peridot's cosplaying, I'm so sorry)

...Maybe I went a little too far there. Your outfit's great! But you really got tap it for its humor potential.

[slapfight]

Exactly!

[klsjdfkls VERBALIZED KEYSMASHING MAYA WHY]

Hnngh. What are you talking about? This is how I look, so I have to use that stupid cloaking device when I get to Earth.

[feytality]

You can't just... take it off?

[Somewhere, sometime, somehow, she'll clue in...]

[slapfight]

It's a tangible hard-light illusion created by my gem.

[agitated noises] So no.

[feytality]

Wow! That's really high-tech! I underestimated your dedication to cosplay...

[slapfight]

I don't even know what cosplay is!!!

[feytality]

Then why did you make such a thorough costume?!

[slapfight]

[and then she finally... just explodes.]

IT'S NOT A COSTUME, IT'S MY BODY, YOU CLOD.

[feytality]

[Amazing that it took so long]

But... you're pointy! And green! And not like, with envy or anything!

[slapfight]

I am a Peridot. [she sounds like she's on the verge of hysterics.] This is the precise shape and coloration of my gem class and type.

So.. Basically... [and louder:] I am not human! That is why I'm green. Do you understand now?!

[feytality]

But isn't that a rock?

[wait]

Are you the Rock?!

[How has Peridot not murdered her already]

[slapfight]

[through gritted teeth] According to the average human, I, Peridot, am a "sentient rock."

[feytality]

.... Seriously?! Why didn't you just say so!?

[Cue Peridot reaching through the magitek to strangle her...]

That's seriously awesome!

[slapfight]

[the urge is there. THE URGE IS SO THERE.

but at least she's being complimented, so there's that.]

Wow thanks. I am... "awesome."

[feytality]

[Be strong, Peri]

How does it work? Do you transform into a giant robot form of a rock? Is the peridot on your head like.. your heart? Can you sell yourself if you're low on cash?

[slapfight]

No. To all of those things.

[she touches her gem awkwardly.] Uh... Except maybe the second one if my understanding of human biology is correct...

[feytality]

Oh, really? The heart pumps blood and stuff! What's that like, for gems?