video; un: white_lotus

[pummelling]

[The magitek's pulled back far enough to feature not one, but two members of Audentes... or, rather, one of them striving vainly to nudge his teammate out of the feed. It's the tail end of the struggle, though, and Kung Jin is fighting a losing battle. It takes half a second for Asher Millstone to shove his way into view, taking up half of the screen and speaking up before Jin can truly get a word in.

The law student looks more excited than ever when he starts speaking, and even lifts his arms above his head in a “raise the roof” sort of gesture.]

It’s time to get wiggity wiggity whack, yo!

Don't. [He nearly slaps a hand over his friend's mouth, but reconsiders, elbowing him back instead.] So, Audentes. Since we're almost all set to leave on our next assignment, it's come to our attention that not everyone here is from a world that people like Asher or I consider "modern day".

Whoa, you? Wait a minute. Last I checked, there was nothing normal about you, man. People in your world, like, rip dudes’ spines out through their mouths and crap!

[After he says this, Asher immediately turns from Jin back to the camera, and waves his hands emphatically in its general direction.]

Don’t try that.

[Jin casts a dubious glance at Asher and moves right along in spite of all the interruptions.]

Even if you look the part, you’ve still got to play the part, too. If you're looking for any advice or tips to blend in properly on-planet, we’re pretty much experts-- so let us know if you need a hand.

[The paler of the two pops up right behind him, leaning on the other’s shoulder.]

That’s right, baby! We’ll teach you how to be 90s.

Comments

[predomination]

[erm...

is it even worth it to correct him? look at his username...]

Yes, Asher-san?

1/?

[moneyballer]

You don't have to worry about me goin' too hard!

[douchey chuckle]

I go as hard as they come.

2/?

[moneyballer]

3/3

[moneyballer]

I did not mean for it to sound like that.

[predomination]

[it's a trap, asher.]

Now, now... If you're going to draw attention to how scandalous something like that sounded, you might as well own up to it being what you meant.

[moneyballer]

[p-protesting]

I-it isn't!

[predomination]

I see. [he could drag him for the username, but he knows everyone does that. and he is not everyone.] Well, at any rate, you should be careful how you approach this mission, anyway. There's a lot of fluid-swapping in hanky-panky, and that'd be an embarrassing way to get infected.

[moneyballer]

I know, I know-

[this is said with the utMOST regret, as though he's dragging his feet]

I won't screw any of the locals.

[SIGH]

[predomination]

I didn't say that. [wow he's not a monster.] Just be discerning.

[moneyballer]

[Asher fools around a lot, so abstaining from anything of the sort will be hard for him.

He'll be willing to do it though, because after all, he doesn't want to fail. He can't afford to.]

Yeah, got it.

[This is his only shot.]

So, you mentioned that you're from 2001? That means you must've lived through the '90s. So you're good, right?

[Maybe.]

[predomination]

In Japan, of course, but I won't be pretending to be anything more than what I appear to be. Any discrepancies can just be passed off as me being a quirky foreigner.

[moneyballer]

Sounds like you got your cover story.

[Something about this guy seems shady. It's probably the literal shade, over his eyes. Why? Why do some people have to be this creepy.]

Have you figured out where you're working?

[predomination]

[shh shhh it's fine, asher. he's just a guy.]

The hospital. [he wags a finger] It would be useful to have someone right in the middle of all the action, don't you think?

[pummelling]

[JUST A GUY HIS ASS URAHARA]

[moneyballer]

[That actually sounds important.

Asher makes a note of it for later. He's no medical student, but people with access to the hospital might have the best resources to develop a cure.]

Fo' sho.

[don't nod so seriously and then spew shit like this, white boy]

[pummelling]

[Jin clearly makes a face in the background because he knows Asher has NOT, in fact, been especially discerning in the past.

Jesus, Asher.]

[moneyballer]

[EYEROLL]

That was one time.

[pummelling]

[URAHARA IS STILL WATCHING THIS?!?!???]

You held up a whole bathroom! Multiple stalls!

[moneyballer]

Okay, excuse you, there was one stall and what can I say?

[don't twist ur face like that]

I'm a people-pleaser.

[pummelling]

Lying to a man you just met? You really don't have shame.

[moneyballer]

Whaaaat? Is it my fault that a hot-ass alien chick wanted some of this?

[Asher gestures flamboyantly at his own body.]

I'll be good this time, aite? I'm not about to be catching any diseases.

[he says]

Besides, can you imagine getting the clap and turning into a zombie at the same time? No thanks.

[pummelling]

[DISGUSTED NOISE?????]

That'll do, Millstone. That'll do.

[moneyballer]

Whoa, wait a minute...

[Asher suddenly pounds a fist into his palm, as if he's discovered some brilliant new idea.]

Condoms help prevent STDs and shit, right?

Do you think they could help with this whole... Zombie business? Like, think about it-

[n o please do not]

Zombie condoms! Zom-B-Cons, for short-

It's genius! We could get the science guys to help us out.

[pummelling]

[Jin makes a face and just straight up cuts the feed, but since they're in person together, he has effectively hung up on Urahara and anyone else watching.

You're welcome, Audentes. He's sorry.]