text, @TARANTO

[heavyhitter]

ok guys listen i got something i've been thinking about, no one's been able to answer it for me yet
check it out: deer dildos
???
do they use them? it doesn't have to be dildos anything sexy in general, that counts. i'm not buying there's any sentient sexually reproducing species out there that hasn't invented sex toys, so what do deer use. does it have to do with antlers?? i haven't put much thought into deer sex so i'm not working on much here, just tossing out ideas. lemme know, thanks



oh wait one more thing, i really wanna get off this island. i've seen everything and it's boring. these guys suck at technology right? and swimming. oh my god they're so pathetically useless

but WE are way better at both those things! so here's my proposal: we team up and use our evolved smarts and build a floating litter, or popemobile, or something, and get me over to the next island. good, right?? i think we can do it! we got science grandpa AND nerd granduncle running around here, and probably half a dozen other nerds i haven't dug up yet. we can do this. i believe in us. if there's any parties going on on the other islands, let's get me to them.

Comments

[babbylon]

Were you planning on somehow pleasuring one of these deerfolk?

[Always asking the important questions.]

[heavyhitter]

Nah. I thought about it for a while, but I can't get into short and hairy. I just wanna know, like, what if I need to get one of them a present later on?

[babbylon]

Clever fingers are always a wonderful present for any species.

[Just, uh, look away, maybe? And fantasize about hot half-god men instead.]

[heavyhitter]

Oh, good, then I bet there's a few lonely deer around here that would be happy to meet yours. Mine are busy, I got a lot of texting to do.

[babbylon]

And you are implying I am lonely enough in turn to sate them?

[heavyhitter]

I mean... you are kind of a huge asshole, so it's kinda hard to imagine people line up for you. So, maybe.

[babbylon]

I had an entire kingdom stuffing itself in my bed, once. You imagine wrong.

audio; un: PARTY

[wardance]

[ you both have ruined the cute bambi species for him... why would you ever!?

but, hey, let him finish that answer for you, Gil: ]

—And that still wasn't enough for you, so technically she probably imagined at least half-right.

[babbylon]

Of course not. Not until I added a dragon to my conquests.

[Think carefully, Masa. Do you really want to go down this road?]

[wardance]

Ha! I call bullshit—

[ Gilgamesh thinks he's so clever, but Masamune is prepared this time, because guess what: ] --you told me before you'd never encountered any dragons until you joined ALASTAIR. There's no way you got one for that type of turnout.

[ this is what real denial looks like. ]

Nice try, though.

[ yeaP.

nailed it. ]

[babbylon]

Indeed. I was referring to you.

[Busted. Feel free to keep denying it, though... now that it's out in the open for everyone to eavesdrop upon.]

[wardance]

[ . . .Goddamn it.

Nothing is private, anymore. ]

No, that's also bullshit. There's no way that statement of yours is possible if you don't have both things at the same time. If A isn't satisfying enough and you need B to make it so, then you need both A & B together.

[babbylon]

Then I would choose route C, instead.

[This is headed so far south, you can see the penguins marching with Morgan Freeman in the background.]

For c... o... c...

[ABORT.]

[wardance]

[ help.

Masamune slams a hand on a desk, the sound interrupting but he either has to end this abruptly or suck it up and finish it for Gil.

—KER SPANIELS! ALL THE COCKER SPANIELS. They will truly fill the void in anyone's life, I agree.

[ This is so not information he's just going to slink away and let hang out in public. ]

[babbylon]

[One can practically hear the smooth, smooth smile in Gilgamesh's tone.]

Come show me yours anytime, dragon. And I will gently touch your d... og.

[heavyhitter]

Aw, once? That's so sad, did they all realize what a fucking prick you can be and pack up? I mean, a whole kingdom is a lot of people to drive off, but if anyone could do it I'm pretty sure it's you.

not here

[wardance]

[ laughing so hard right now
bless this woman ]

[babbylon]

Well, there was a minor incident in which I died and all my prospective lovers dried up, so...

[heavyhitter]

Couldn't even find anyone into you enough to dabble in necrophilia. I'm gonna write a song about this, it's gonna be such a tearjerker.

[babbylon]

Oh, but you did, didn't you?

[Hate to break it to you, Ramir, but...]

I'm still on the dead end of things, dearest.

[heavyhitter]

Oh shit, really? [ she doesn't sound grossed out or disappointed, is delight really the right reaction here? ] Why didn't you say so! I thought you meant you came back or something. Tell Koltira about all this tail you apparently get, it'll make him feel better about being dead.

[babbylon]

Didn't notice on account of how lively I was, eh?! It's surely to be expected...!

[No, Gilgamesh. Gilgamesh, please do not detail your sexual escapades with other recruits over the network.]

[heavyhitter]

[ if only ramir had any shame either, there is no good place for this conversation to go ]

Oh, yeah, I guess. I'd give you like a... 7 on the 'probably not a corpse' scale.

[babbylon]

...?

[Head. Tilt.]

Where did the other three points go? I am clearly a perfect ten in all ways, on all scales.

[respired]

Or not.