futurology | VIDEO | un: steelsamayarai

( Peter is clearly on top of something high when he turns the magitek on, magitek that isn't his but anyone who knows him will recognize him, whether his name is paired with the message or not. he hesitates before he starts, but he's hesitated about a week now. he's sort of out of hesitation time. )

I am guessing most of you remember me, but if you don't, my name is Peter. I just... I wanted to apologize. I get that doesn't mean much, considering how many people I hurt and I should have seen it sooner and prevented it in the first place. ( he shrugs, looking down and his shoulders in a weary slant. ) I'm still sorry. If you got caught up in it, or... you know someone that was. Sorry won't make up for it, but I... I'll do whatever it takes to make sure it never happens again.

( it means more honesty than he's ever had on a large scale, and that's the terrifying part of all this. he doesn't see an option in it anymore. ) I'm sorry I didn't talk about... what I can do. It's a long story. ( a long story with dead girlfriends, so no, he doesn't wanna super get into that part. ) I should have said something before it got so bad. It's too late to go back, but maybe I can say something now. If you want to know, I guess I'll try and answer.

( he looks uncomfortable, but hey. it's at least a start. last but not least, though, he sighs and rubs a spot behind his ear. ) If you don't want anything to do with me, after... ( after he went feral and tried to eat people, is the part he's not saying, ) I get it. I'll try and respect it, if I know, too.

( and, last but not least... ) I think we should consider the endgame of the people that were effected by Bristol. There's a lot to deal with after you get the cure, especially those in late stages of infected. ( speaking from experience... cough....... ) If we can get donations together, provide any kind of support for the people that got sick or ... lost someone. If we can I think we should.

( Peter definitely feels like he's talked enough (for prob the second time in his entire life, and coincidentally the first time was just a few days ago, w e i r d), so with that he's done. at least for now. he probably has a mystic samurai coach to keep an eye on, anyway. she might claim to be petersitting but if anyone is at risk of falling off the building, it's not Peter.

because he doesn't fall off of buildings, he jumps off of them completely intentionally. )

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I try not to linger too long on that- it's too easy to look back and see the paths you should have taken when you have all the information, when it would never be that simple in the moment.

[it's a problem that even someone who plans for everything could have to face. there's always the knowledge that there was a better plan, a smarter plan, a plan that hadn't seemed as reasonable until all the facts were laid out.

but they couldn't dwell on that.] But we still won. And they have no idea what we really saved them from, which is its own victory. People have enough to worry about without adding threats they can neither see nor defend against to it.

I'm not sure it's as easy as that. If you don't look at what what wrong then you're not going to know how to make sure it doesn't happen again.

( there's a chance he's dwelling too much, yeah. absolutely. he'd rather too much than not at all, considering how high the stakes are. )

I guess it's important not to forget what we did right, either. ( they had managed to stop the virus from spreading, they were well on their way to scrub it out of existence entirely. not an easy feat.

he still couldn't help being stuck on the people that weren't so lucky, though. )

[Urahara hums thoughtfully.] True enough.

[making the same mistakes is what got him into this mess, honestly. he chased ghosts the entire time and got precisely what he should have expected. there's your ingenious foresight, Kisuke.]

And it is important. We're in a business- to put it bluntly- of doing things that will work out for the majority. There's no such thing as a flawless victory, I'm afraid. Someone will always be in pain.

[he feels cheap saying it, even if it's valid. he wasn't here for Nalawi, and he won't presume to think what he would've done had he been there- theorize, maybe, but talk at length about it? absolutely not.

he knows the victory at Perdition's Rest had bordered on sour too, but that was another matter entirely. what they had here was the only true victory Urahara has ever known- the evil is turned roughly aside, the majority will live, and certain sacrifices had to be made to achieve that.

it's unpleasant, nasty work. the kind of work he's always shouldered because it was easier for him to do it than let someone else suffer, but there's too many people here who bear the weight, anyway, regardless of who pulls the trigger.]

( Peter is a blind optimist, but only in that he wants everything to turn out perfectly. he's seen the impossibility of that too many times to really believe that happily ever after is an option for everyone.

he still tries to fight for it, though. if the goal is to save everyone, then hopefully the losses will be as minimal as possible, even if they're there. )

I know there's not, as much as I hate it. I've been a part of enough missions now to know that, but... it's not an option for me to be the source of the pain again.

( he refuses to let it; this is not the sort of mistake he'll let himself make twice. )

Oh no, definitely not that. [there's a pained edge to his voice. there's casualties of war and then there's being the catalyst to it.] And I'm not going to presume to think it might not happen again, but it's something we can prepare for if there is a next time.

[a dark chuckle] My, my... There's such a learning curve working for ALASTAIR, isn't there?

Being prepared for next time is about the best we an hope for.

( he's in no mood for jokes, but apparently he has it in him for a spot of dark humor. )

Wonder why they didn't put that in the employee manual.

They probably thought we'd run away if we knew what we were really in for. Simply find a nice recently-saved world to put down roots in, and forget all of this nonsense.

Sometimes it's tempting, isn't it.

( send him back to Zeta-12, let him live out the rest of his miserable days with adorable goo babies... )

Maybe if you don't have much of a home to go back to. [he smiles wistfully.] Perhaps that's what ALASTAIR counts on, considering no one has left the team for greener pastures as far as I know.

Not as far as I know, either, but I wonder if they'd even mention if they did.

( they might lose a lot of recruits that way, knowing they could just jump off the crazy ride whenever they wanted. )

I would imagine they'd just chalk it up to a "transfer," but I feel like we would have heard it from our fellow recruits if they decided to stay behind. Of course, none of the worlds I've visited so far have seemed... particularly inhabitable long term besides this one. And outside of the quarantine, it's the same world many of us came from.

Of course you'd have to contend with the bad memories, even if you got far away from this town.

You'd have to be really sure you wanted to make a go of it in whatever world, too. There's no take-backs once we leave, or I'm pretty sure there's not.

( he'd never be able to agree to it, frankly, even if Aunt May weren't back home waiting for him... just for the risk he'd change his mind and be trapped somewhere he wasn't meant to be. )

As I understand it, there are plenty here who might not even want to return home, so anything could be preferable. I always feel the worst for those ones.

[not the least of which because he's been exiled from his own home for over a century. he'd never go back if he had the chance, because the pain is too raw, but he still has feelings for where he came from.]

I guess so, but maybe if things are so bad back home, this is an opportunity to get somewhere better.

( it's not an option he can consider, no matter how much he likes traveling and the idea of helping people.

he's gotta get home, sooner or later. )

VIDEO | un: steelsamayarai

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