text; un: shitpost king

[hedonistic]

if anyone can tell me how to get videogames or proper internet on this thing i will do a dare of ur choice and let u record the results for posterity/blackmail/whatever u want

in the meantime i've got way too much time to kill so let's play would you rather

for those of you poor souls who've never known the glory of the internet, it goes like this: someone posts two things (the more ridic the better) and people respond with their decision on which they'd rather do and then come up with their own two things

it ends up with us all judging each other's life and choices and nobody lives happily ever after (◡‿◡✿)

i'll start with something appropriate to our upcoming ~mission~

would you rather...
be eaten by a zombie, or burnt at the stake?

Comments

[p66]

[ s m h ]

He's not picky, so he doesn't have any concrete preferences. He takes anything I give him.

[ She's asked him and he said 'anything as long as it's healthy', so ??? ]

[hedonistic]

[Eyebrows...slowly....going up.]

Ohhhh my god.

[That doesn't sound unhealthily codependent or anything.]

[p66]

[ Man, if only you knew what they get up to in private... okay this sounds shady but it's a just shitload of h/c stuff. She's pure. ]

He's a stickler for nutritional balance, so I have to factor that in, but that's about it.

[ She thinks it's 100% normal. ]

[hedonistic]

So, uh. He just expects you to do this for him. Every meal.

[p66]

[ Actually, now that he mentions it... ]

I wouldn't say expect? [ This sounds awkward ] It's more of a courtesy sort of thing. Diet is important after all.

[ 'courtesy' ]

[hedonistic]

[Look he knows he ain't great at manners and he's the last person to judge anyone else but....gurl...]

Sure. But if it's gonna be 'you do it or he doesn't eat' it starts sounding less like a thing you're doing for a friend because you're friends and more like a job you're not getting paid for.

[p66]

[ Man, how does she even begin to explain this? ]

He'll eat if I don't do anything, he's not that incapable of taking care of himself. It's just that I'm not all that confident of the magic stuff here, if you get me?

[ Once she ended up dancing in the kitchen and that was weird. ]

His health is subpar and I don't want him to get poisoned or worse.

[ Yep nothing shady here. ]

[hedonistic]

[He debates, for a minute, whether he even wants to get involved. Reika's life is none of his business. If she's happy with playing nursemaid to this guy, that's not his problem.

Maybe it's the giant chip on his shoulder about being used, but he can't help feeling kind of weird about it, though.]

'You do it or he might accidentally poison himself' isn't exactly sounding better, Reika-chan.

[He shifts, uncomfortably.]

Look, I'm the last person who's gonna tell anyone else how to live their life, but this guy's a grown ass man, right? It's not your responsibility to hold his hand. The least he could do is try to give you some fuckin' preferences so you're not the one trying to figure out how to give him variety, dude.

[p66]

[ He may be a grown ass man, but... she doesn't know how to explain without giving away too much. He takes a while to speak and so does she, milling about in the silence. Not for the first time she curses her unfamiliarity with words, and tact now that she's been separated from Julius for a year. It's been a week and she still doesn't know what happened to him.

So it's with a sigh that she answers, not quite looking at him, her expression just the vaguest tinge of sad. ]

He's... been through a lot. It's not my place to say more, but I hope you can understand. [ He'd scold her for giving away too much private information, too. ] And... he's important to me. He saved my life once. I want to help him in return.

[ Yeah it's totally not like she likes him or anything... though at this point she's not so good a liar anymore. ]

[hedonistic]

["Been through a lot". Oh, Kagari is so very unimpressed. It shows in the too-sharp smirk he levels at her.]

Oh. Well fuck me, I didn't know having been through a lot was an excuse for being a huge tool. I should try that on Sonia-chan next time we get into it.

[p66]

I'm sorry.

[ That's all she says. Kagari's right, in some ways - Julius should be expected to take care of himself, and yet she can't bring herself to leave him alone. Maybe she's weak like this, but she does love him - and he's the only family she has left.

So that's all. ]

[hedonistic]

[...Ugh. Of course she would apologize to him. He's not sure anyone's ever apologized to him before. That takes the wind out of his sails quite readily, and he scowls like he's been offended. He's not used to this kind of thing, and she keeps doing it. It's weird.]

Fuck.

[He huffs, and then goes and fetches a new pan, magically summoning some other ingredients. He doesn't go through it step by step this time, just doing his own thing before he sets the whole thing on the stove to cook.]

Yakiniku. Meat and veggies instead of noodles.

[p66]

[ She means it. Even if he throws her off a little - he's well-meaning, that's what she wants to believe. ]

Please let me help.

[ Just standing there is kind of... well, it makes her feel useless, for one. She can observe what he does and try to learn it, but an effort must be done. ]

[hedonistic]

It's--already covered. It just needs to cook now.

[He makes an unreadable noise at the back of his throat.]

You think the magic kitchen has booze?

[Cause he hella needs a drink rn]

[p66]

Thank you.

[ She turns to open the fridge and inspect its contents. Given that she doesn't drink, it's not likely to spawn any for her. ]

It probably does, if you think it...

[hedonistic]

Weeeeell, here goes nothing.

[Open sesame?? Accio alcohol??? Cool as it is, this part of the process is always so weird. But sure enough, a chilled bottle of whiskey appears in the fridge. He recognizes it as a brand Masaoka liked. Heh.

He refuses to think on any potential homesickness that might imply, though, and simply attempts to summon a corkscrew through similar means. Once he has it:]

You wanna share a drink with me, Reika-chan?

[p66]

[ Whoa, it works! Amazing. ]

I'll pass, but I'll drink something else instead if you'd like to say cheers.

[ Look, she's 19... drinking age in GE is 20. ]

[hedonistic]

Come oooon, don't tell me you don't drink.

[don't be a stick in the mud reika!!!!]

It'll be fun.

[p66]

[ sweating ]

I'm not old enough to, actually. [ Welp. ] And I'm not sure if I can drink it, due to health reasons.

[ Technically other God Eaters do drink, but?? ]

[hedonistic]

[He's about to go on a whole thing about how literally nobody will give a shit if she drinks underage, it's not like the pocket dimension has ID or a legal age, but then. She mentions the second item.]

...Health reasons?

[He's not a Complete dick, at least.]

[p66]

[ Thank you, Kagari. ]

I'm... well, I'm a God Eater, and we have biologically modified agents given to us to help us fight the Aragami. Sometimes it can have weird effects, and I'm under an experimental strain, so it's best not to risk any metabolism-related stuff.

[ It's a valid concern to some extent, but she also doesn't want to make it difficult for herself later. What if the beer here reacted weirdly with her Bias Factor? ]

[hedonistic]

...A God. Eater.

[Does he even want to know.]

That's a hell of a name.

[p66]

Ah, that's the... international name, used in some parts? But in the Branch I belong to, we usually call ourselves God Arc Users.

[ You know. Localization issues. ]

I don't eat things like that. My weapon does.

[hedonistic]

[Staring. So much staring.]

Your weapon eats things. [He's torn between finding that awesome and deeply disturbing.]

...Should I have made it dinner, too.

[p66]

[ IT MAKES SENSE IN CONTEXT OK ]

No, no, it's okay! I really appreciate it, though. [ But explanations are in order... ] I don't have it with me now. It's too dangerous to haul around without proper maintenance equipment.