text; un: shitpost king

[hedonistic]

if anyone can tell me how to get videogames or proper internet on this thing i will do a dare of ur choice and let u record the results for posterity/blackmail/whatever u want

in the meantime i've got way too much time to kill so let's play would you rather

for those of you poor souls who've never known the glory of the internet, it goes like this: someone posts two things (the more ridic the better) and people respond with their decision on which they'd rather do and then come up with their own two things

it ends up with us all judging each other's life and choices and nobody lives happily ever after (◡‿◡✿)

i'll start with something appropriate to our upcoming ~mission~

would you rather...
be eaten by a zombie, or burnt at the stake?

Comments

[feytality]

That's more like it! [Steaky's a pretty smart guy. She looks pleased with his cooperation]

Rare! And juicy!

[Now, let's see how well Steaky cooks]

[hedonistic]

Coming right up.

[Too bad the kitchen can't magically provide a chef hat. But also there'll be no exposition about cooking the steak here, because I don't know shit about cooking and also it's 4 am and I'm lazy, but it's a very well-cooked steak. There's a delicious aroma wafting through Kitchen de la Magique even before he's finished, and the presentation on the plate is none too shabby either, what with an artistic drizzle of salt up above and some creatively positioned sprigs of parsley.

He places it before her with a flourish--]

Ooooone steak, so rare you might still hear the cow mooing if you cup your ear~

[feytality]

[Yeah, that's way more than Maya was expecting. She gives him a little applause and appreciative comment--]

Woah, that smells great!

[Before digging in. Congrats on becoming her new fave, Steaky, until someone makes her a burger!!]

[And uh, enjoy her very unladylike wolfing down of said steak]

Mffh! Thiff iff'eally good!

artistic drizzle of salt LMAO that was one heck of a typo. i meant sauce....

[hedonistic]

[That's ok, manners are for chumps anyway.]

Hell yeah it is.

[Though even though his words are cocky, he's really pleased. It always makes him happy when someone likes his cooking.]

So. How do you feel about dessert?

i didn't even realize it was a typo tbh....

[feytality]

[He's really spoiling her]

[She enjoys every second]

I'm in! But I thought you wanted to play a round of your dance thingy?

hahaha clearly it has perfectly captured my Essence

[hedonistic]

Sure do. But it doesn't matter which comes first. I'm flexible like that.

definitely

[feytality]

Well, if you insist. I've got a second stomach just for sweets!

[Just in case he was wondering why she's still eager to stuff her face after two steaks]

What's on the menu, Chef Steaky?

[hedonistic]

[The irony here is that could literally be true.]

Oooh, convenient~

So. How do we feel about daifuku?

[feytality]

[Is it??? What a mystery]

Awesome! I love daifuku! My aunt makes it sometimes, and it's really good.

Do you know how to make it?

[hedonistic]

As a matter of fact, I do.

[feytality]

You're pretty talented, Steaky.

Alright! Work your magic.

hmmm should we maybe wrap this one up or do u wanna continue :|a

[hedonistic]

On it. Any flavor prefs or should I just surprise you?

Sure, let's wrap it!!

[feytality]

I wanna see what you're capable of! I'm learning all sorts of new things about you, Steaky.

[Nevermind that she literally just met him]

o7!

[hedonistic]

I'm a man of many surprises.

[And he's off, to make that dessert. Next time on Chopped: ALASTAIR Edition--Breakfast? Stay tuned to find out.]

[feytality]

[and thus an enchanting evening of desserts and dance dance revolution unfolded]