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[competing]

[ with the new mission on the horizon, and a rather desperate need to keep busy and distracted, lance has decided to put together this informational psa for all those who may benefit from it.

so. like. maybe two of you. ]

Yo! So with Woodhurst coming 'round the corner, many of you probably haven't had the chance to brush up on all six films of the Brawn of the Dead series but that's okay! Your resident Zombie Apocalypse Expert is here to help you out.

[ he's watched pretty much all the zombie films available on earth, ok, he's practically a PhD. ]

While it's pretty much impossible to gain my level of expertise in the single week we have left, I managed to break down the most important things to remember during a Zombie Apocalypse. [ complete with handy, dandy infographics! (blame whoever got them the drawing app ok.) ]

Lesson one! The buddy system.


ALASTAIR's got it right with their advice. Anyone who's ever seen a movie about characters being hunted by something can tell you right off the bat that the second you decide to go solo? YA DEAD. Total rookie mistake! Don't do it, don't even think about it, don't even think about thinking about it. Doesn't matter how slow the zombies are, or how many of them there are. Always have a buddy with you. And honestly? You're not gonna wanna go through any of this alone anyway.

If no one's coming to mind, just give me a call. My name's Lance, and I'm gonna be a college student there, and those guys never need reasons to be anyplace weird anyway.

Lesson two! Weapons.


Standard zombie movie weapons tend to be something light, hand-held, easy to hook onto your belt or carry around in a bag. Guns are okay, but unless you have unlimited ammo, it's a better idea to also have something that doesn't need replenishing. But remember we're also trying to blend in here, so busting our your swords and magic might not be what you wanna do... but also who cares when it's just you, an empty alleyway, and the not-so-dead. Tire irons are a classic, also kitchen knives, but it's important to remember: anything's a weapon if you can throw it hard enough.

And finally, lesson three — [ there isn't an infographic for this one. this time it's just lance, staring straight into the camera, the mood of the video suddenly quite serious and somber. ] — this is all real.

[ he shifts a little, uneasy. ]

I know the mission's primary objective is to contain this thing, keep it from spreading. And we should definitely do all we can to make sure it affects as few people as possible... but these are real people, you know? Real people, with real lives... real families. None of our objectives are for finding a cure, but man do we have some real smart people on this team. Real smart. And, like, magic, you know? Magic and science and all that stuff, from all over the universes. If you have that many people, from all these different backgrounds, with all these different skills then it has to be possible, right? That's just... that's math. So with magic and science and math on our sides, there's no way we can fail.

[ he got away from his point a little, so he backtracks into it. ]

What I'm saying is — be careful. Do what you gotta do, but if there's a way for you to save them so we can one day cure them, then... do that too. [ the please goes unspoken, but the sentiment is definitely there.

after a moment, he seems to bolster himself back up to the energy he'd had when he began. ]

And that's it! Questions? Thoughts? Apples for the teacher? [ ;D ]

Comments

[digophelia]

It isn't as if it was much of an option for me in London, either. When I was-

[ Oh, god. She pauses to think of a better way to say she's been out of society. ]

I was sick for quite some time, I had to return to London with very little. Sort of right now. I mean, I suppose I could be a matron once again-

[competing]

Matron?

[ sorry, alice, he's taking this to be pretty literal. ]

You're real nice and caring and all, Alice, but I don't know if anyone's gonna believe you're a mom.

[digophelia]

I certainly didn't mean a mother.

A matron is someone who overseas and cares for orphans. That's what I did back in London.

[competing]

Oh. Well — I mean if you're comfortable with that? You still seem a little young for that, though... How about just a babysitter?

[digophelia]

Young? I am only 19 years old.

[ That is to say, no, she doesn't see an issue with it. She thinks it's normal and she has yet to say most women her age are caregivers to children in some regard. ]

Although "babysitter"? Is that what you would call it.

[competing]

Yeah they're... more part-time.

[digophelia]

What is "part-time"?

[competing]

Uh. Less than 40 hours a week, last I checked.

[digophelia]

I daresay 40 hours within itself would fall underneath that category. Matrons have to be up before dawn and then hours before children are put to bed.

[competing]

Yeeeeah, we probably don't want to be devoting so much of our time on that, given the actual mission and all. Part-time is probably for the best.

[digophelia]

[ The longest pause. ]

Then what shall I do with the rest of my time?

[competing]

Whatever you wanna! You can hunt for clues like I plan on doing, or lay low, or enjoy the sweets 1990's culture. I dunno. Sky's the limit.

[digophelia]

[ "Whatever you want." is a bit too much for her mind to handle. Sure, it's not the first time she's been able to do whatever she pleases, but she has to blend in, no one can know she's a part of ALASTAIR.

That's where she's falling short. ]

Enjoying sweets isn't the same without Mr. Gin. Then what does someone our age do?

[ He seems like he knows more? ]

[competing]

[ it's not the first time she's mentioned the guy, this gin. his mind had been elsewhere the last time, but he notices now, and zeroes in on the fact that, whoever this guy is, he means a lot to her. but he somehow gets the idea that asking would probably only bring the mood down.

and that's probably the last thing they need right now. ]

Oh... hang out, mostly? Go to the mall, go to the movies... things like that.

[digophelia]

And the dossier asked us to act as if we live there and blend in...

[ Haha, she's so screwed. This is embarassing. ]

I can manage that. I think. [ Wait. ] Would you be able to help me?

[competing]

What? Blend in?

[ YOU CAME TO THE RIGHT GUY, ALICE. sorta. ]

Dude, the 90's are my jam. I can totally help you out!

[digophelia]

[ He seems like he knows his stuff. What can possibly go wrong? ]

Thank you, Lance. Normally, I would not care so much, but for the sake of all of you, I'd rather not draw too much attention.

[competing]

[ his expression softens at that. ]

Thanks, Alice. That's real nice of you. We'll make it fun, okay? I promise.