video | username: xXx_trueblue_xXx

[competing]

[ with the new mission on the horizon, and a rather desperate need to keep busy and distracted, lance has decided to put together this informational psa for all those who may benefit from it.

so. like. maybe two of you. ]

Yo! So with Woodhurst coming 'round the corner, many of you probably haven't had the chance to brush up on all six films of the Brawn of the Dead series but that's okay! Your resident Zombie Apocalypse Expert is here to help you out.

[ he's watched pretty much all the zombie films available on earth, ok, he's practically a PhD. ]

While it's pretty much impossible to gain my level of expertise in the single week we have left, I managed to break down the most important things to remember during a Zombie Apocalypse. [ complete with handy, dandy infographics! (blame whoever got them the drawing app ok.) ]

Lesson one! The buddy system.


ALASTAIR's got it right with their advice. Anyone who's ever seen a movie about characters being hunted by something can tell you right off the bat that the second you decide to go solo? YA DEAD. Total rookie mistake! Don't do it, don't even think about it, don't even think about thinking about it. Doesn't matter how slow the zombies are, or how many of them there are. Always have a buddy with you. And honestly? You're not gonna wanna go through any of this alone anyway.

If no one's coming to mind, just give me a call. My name's Lance, and I'm gonna be a college student there, and those guys never need reasons to be anyplace weird anyway.

Lesson two! Weapons.


Standard zombie movie weapons tend to be something light, hand-held, easy to hook onto your belt or carry around in a bag. Guns are okay, but unless you have unlimited ammo, it's a better idea to also have something that doesn't need replenishing. But remember we're also trying to blend in here, so busting our your swords and magic might not be what you wanna do... but also who cares when it's just you, an empty alleyway, and the not-so-dead. Tire irons are a classic, also kitchen knives, but it's important to remember: anything's a weapon if you can throw it hard enough.

And finally, lesson three — [ there isn't an infographic for this one. this time it's just lance, staring straight into the camera, the mood of the video suddenly quite serious and somber. ] — this is all real.

[ he shifts a little, uneasy. ]

I know the mission's primary objective is to contain this thing, keep it from spreading. And we should definitely do all we can to make sure it affects as few people as possible... but these are real people, you know? Real people, with real lives... real families. None of our objectives are for finding a cure, but man do we have some real smart people on this team. Real smart. And, like, magic, you know? Magic and science and all that stuff, from all over the universes. If you have that many people, from all these different backgrounds, with all these different skills then it has to be possible, right? That's just... that's math. So with magic and science and math on our sides, there's no way we can fail.

[ he got away from his point a little, so he backtracks into it. ]

What I'm saying is — be careful. Do what you gotta do, but if there's a way for you to save them so we can one day cure them, then... do that too. [ the please goes unspoken, but the sentiment is definitely there.

after a moment, he seems to bolster himself back up to the energy he'd had when he began. ]

And that's it! Questions? Thoughts? Apples for the teacher? [ ;D ]

Comments

video; un: deathweaver

[respired]

If we truly face an army of the dead, the devastation will be beyond any lessons you have to teach.

[ He sets his jaw. ]

I ought to know.

[competing]

[ HEY guess who still has no idea you dead ]

I dunno, it depends on what you mean by "army." The dossier mentions them being kinda mindless, you know? There's no real organization in that, so that kind of makes it easier when the opposition's at least got tactics and logistics on their side.

video, un: butterfly

[digophelia]

So...

[ Alice looks very confused. But he did mention knives, didn't he? Alice takes out her vorpal blade and rests in her hand and looks back up at him. ]

I had hopes to avoid sickness and death when I came here and I come to find it again. I do also hope this place is clean. Why would we... need to "watch" anything? It sounds as if we should just be careful.

[ A pause. ]

And it already sounds like it will be messy.

[competing]

I mean — it's definitely gonna get hairy, there's no doubt about that. [ the more the virus spreads, the more wreckage there will be. ] I'm sure if it gets bad enough, we probably don't really need to worry about hiding or sneaking around anymore... but at least in the beginning, we definitely don't wanna draw attention to ourselves, otherwise it'd just cause even more panic.

But if you're talking about the movies, if you got the time you can probably binge-watch it all in like a day or two. The first is the best, obviously. The second and third are kinda weak, but it definitely picks back up again around the fifth.

[voice; un: METTATON]

[ex_mettacrusher33]

I was under the impression the infected needed a nice pick-me-up, darling, not a... drop-me-six-feet-under.

Now, let's never pretend violence isn't WONDERFUL for ratings, but I couldn't help but imagine you might have OPENED with "save them so we can one day cure them" instead. Future reference.

video

[competing]

[ lance returns to his grim tone, expressing hardening briefly. ]

Sometimes we don't get a chance to save them. [ he can recall the time he realized this in perdition's rest all too well. ]

...Besides. People are more inclined to remember the last thing you said, not the first thing. [ so there. ]

( audio | un: skywalker )

[apoptotic]

Even with a weapon, in close quarters, the risk of infection remains. Those without combat experience must keep their distance. We'll need long range methods of suppression and capture in order to protect our own, as well.

video

[competing]

Ohh, like tranquilizers? You think we can make some before the mission?

audio; un: cardmaster

[fateality]

I was wonderin' about that. Whether or not healing magic would have any real effect on 'em.

Suppose it's worth findin' out the hard way. You know, for people who can heal.

[who is definitely not tf no way no how]

perma-video

[competing]

Yeah — some people managed to heal some of the Deemers right...? You think they can heal a plague too??

video; un: ASCIIanything

[catphishing]

I'm not sure you should have put weapons before promoting saving people.

[voice; un: METTATON]

[ex_mettacrusher33]

That's what I said, gorgeous!! It COMPLETELY undercuts his dramatic message.

Also I'm. Not particularly in the business of harming humans. I'd think the rest of you would feel the same way?

VIDEO | un: p.parker

[webdesigned]

( this is the most adorable post about an impending zombie apocalypse that he's ever seen. and that's saying something, who would ever think that zombie talk even could be adorable. )

It's a good point that we want to keep from lethal force if we can. I know I'm sounding like the crazy scientist from every zombie movie ever, but there really might be a way to cure them, as long as this virus isn't causing brain death.

( it'll be impossible to know that for sure before they actually had time to study it. )

I'll be at the college too, technically. If you ever need a buddy to buddy up with, buddy.

[competing]

There's gotta be a way, especially if we all put our minds to it!

[ not his though lolololol ]

You thinking of getting a job, too? I was thinking a kissing telegram. [ 8D ]

video, un: vaughn

[moneyman]

Don't forget the part about physical contact! [ pause. saving people via hugs might not be as awesome-sounding to other people as it is to him. he grimaces a little. ] —I mean, yeah, it's not safe, but uh... if someone you cared about got infected, you might not wanna take them out with a tire iron. Or run away, for that matter.

[ damn, he just bummed himself out. let's not go there, shall we? he flashes Lance a smile instead. ]

You're right, though. There's gotta be a cure, and I bet we can find it.

[ oh, and he looks a liiittle bit different than the last time Lance saw him. just sayin'. ]

[competing]

[ hold up whaaaaaat ]

—Vaughn? Buddy! Did you get some lasik done, what happened!

video; un: white_lotus

[pummelling]

You forgot one important point, dancemaster: if you've gotta kill, aim for the head, and doubletap 'em just in case. Oh, yeah-- and range is your friend.

[Jin shifts to a graver tone as quickly as Lance had. As much as he'd like to pick on Lance's adorable drawings, the points he makes are all legitimate. Especially the last one.]

Make sure you watch yourself too. You can't help them if you wind up one of them.

[competing]

[ lance glances away briefly, looking a bit uneasy with that comment. he doesn't want to be in the business of telling people how to kill other people... especially since the last time he'd aimed for the head, he did. ]

Hopefully it won't ever have to come to that. But &dmash; yeah, thanks. Don't worry, though. It's not really my intention to go around being all reckless.

[ that's keith's shtick. lance is usually a lot more cognizant of risks than that.

unless it were to save a friend.

or a stranger he's literally just met. ]

( video ) un: achilles

[heelies]

[Behold who now is sober...!]

Has your dear native land too succumbed to this dreadful disease that makes a man desire to feast upon the flesh of his brother, as do dogs and carrion birds at the close of battle? Such a plague as this I have never before heard of, and so your counsel in this matter I shall take seriously, young Lance. Yet in the debate between protecting our identities and protecting our lives, is it not best to weigh in favor of that which will beat back death even while it ruins our facade? I and those around me would fare far better were I to wield my mighty spear rather than only a knife.

[Translation: B-B-But my spear...!]

[competing]

[ holy crow this dude actually talks like this on purpose... ]

I mean — fair enough. Maybe we can see if that cloaking device we're getting can cloak our weapons, too? Cuz I gotta say... carrying around a spear's bound to attract more attention than we probably want.

video; un: redlion

[secondnature]

[After their Terrible Chat the other day, Keith shouldn't be commenting here.

But let's be real, Keith does a lot of things he shouldn't do.]

I don't remember the dossier mentioning anything about zombies. This sounds like the type of wishful thinking that you'd come up with.

[competing]

[ gdi keith why must you continue to be you

but maybe this is okay

maybe this will transpire normally, and maybe that'll mean that nothing's changed between them after all. and that'll be good.

right? ]

I'm paraphrasing... And what kinda sicko would wish for a zombie apocalypse?

audio; un: Evening Spider

[araigneedusoir]

I think I'd rather engage at range rather than with a weapon that could easily get me bitten.

[Not that she actually has the ammo but--]

Overall avoiding confrontation unless absolutely necessary is the best course of action.

perma-video

[competing]

[ ah, he remembers your voice, widowmaker~ ;) ;) ;) ]

Excellent point! I guess I should've just directed this to those that can't seem to help themselves.

[ you know the types, wm.... gd shounens ]

@shirogane

[racking]

Are there ever cures in the movies?

[ since that seems to be primarily where lance is drawing from on this research. not that it's inaccurate, but. ]

[competing]

[ lance's smile drops just a fraction. ]

...Depends on the movie.

But that's okay! That's okay, because we got something better than what the movies had.

( text; ) un: arima

[prodigism]

As long as we have some form of organization, there shouldn't be any need to worry about them. The infection however...

[ He's not sure if he's going to comment on how these things resemble starved ghouls. Or the fact that zombies and ghouls are really similar. ]

Wearing protective gear might be the only choice we have in that matter.

perma-video

[competing]

Hm. I mean it's never been tested against this kinda thing, but our Paladin armor's been pretty good for a lot of stuff. I wonder if ALASTAIR can maybe copy it...

[ IMPORTANT THOUGHTS. ]

But going back to your organization comment... do we even have that?

AUDIO. UN: LOKI

[selfimage]

This is far less Dawn of the Dead and more 28 Days Later. You'll need to add something about safe distances and where and when it's appropriate to loot supermarkets.

[ because he's 100% here for the looting. ]

perma-video

[competing]

Not sure I know what either of those are... Do you mean 24 Days Later? Which is a lot similar to the Woodhurst situation, fair point, but it's not as popular. [ he flaps his hands in the air. ] I'll amend the PSA for the zombie-misdirection but not for the looting! That's not important!

audio | un: kazbrekker

[steler]

[guess who doesnt have zombies in his world but definitely read all the comments here]

The general consensus seems to be that "zombies" are ...[wow this is way harder to say than he was expecting] dead people?

perma-video

[competing]

...Technically? Kinda sorta. The kind of "zombies" we're gonna be dealing with in Woodhurst are a little different. They're not dead dead because you can still technically kill them.

[ a pause. ]

And since it's just a disease, that means there could possibly be a way to revert that and cure them!

video | un: chihiro

[onethousen]

( she totally raises her hand for this. )

Running's still an option, right? Will we have places to run to kind of... catch people? If they're infected and aren't listening to reason?

( the best and worst part will be that moment in which, inevitably, Chihiro will learn that hugging the infected helps calm them for a little while. her life. it is going to be rad. )

[competing]

[ ah chihiro... :') because they're lessons, i get it i get it ]

Uh — running is definitely an option and probably the first one you should be doing al the time.

[ chihiro please don't be shounen about this ]

Remember what I said about the buddy system? Do you have anyone you can stick close to a lot?

voice | un: harmonia

[digiorno]

[He doesn't want to talk about zombies. Boy, he does not. He does not want to do this, but--]

I'm not familiar with these films. But from what I understand, dead is dead. There's no undoing it. You can try as hard as you like, and you'll do more harm than good.

I . . . understand the impulse. I'm not saying I won't help. I'm just uncertain as to whether it's really the right thing to do, to put people through hoping when there isn't any hope.

perma-video

[competing]

We don't know there's no hope, though. And... they aren't technically dead, either. They're just — sick. The file says its a disease, and it mentions looking for a cure. It's not our actual mission, no, but.. that doesn't mean we don't try, right?

video | un: Princess aka ruins everything

[assent]

You have a very good point regarding how to behave during a crisis like this... however I would also add that it is unadvisable to go off alone with only one person as well. [ A beat, then 100% seriously: ] Especially if you are going off to get some booty.

[ But... uh. Onwards from that-- ]

I will be attending the University as a medical student, however, so I should have access to labs to work on something regarding a cure as well. I doubt my knowledge will be as good as others here, but I wish to try.

[competing]

[ .........................................

booty? ]

...Are you saying... if you want booty you — you should have more than one person along??

[ sonia???????????????????????????? he didn't know you were like that... ]

video: un: PERIDOT5XG

[slapfight]

As someone who can't be infected by this biological virus, I will humbly offer my services as bodyguard.

[she literally can't even protect herself half the time. really what she's volunteering is to be a shield. SHE'S DOING IT TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE HER. IS THIS HOW IT WORKS, SEMPAI??]

[competing]

[ HE'S PROUD OF YOU PERI but also... quite dubious... ]

Do you even know how to fight?

video ; un: navigator

[weatherscience]

Hm, it seems these zombies are different from the ones I've met before... so they don't have a shadow given to them to make them alive?

[ she taps her cheek, mouth pursed as she tries to shift through the information. ] I don't know much about what you're saying, but... I'm sure if it's a disease of some sort, there must be a cure somewhere! We can't give up before we've tried. [ she may not agree with Chopper's dream of becoming a doctor who can cure every disease in the world — there are some diseases you can't recover from... but just this once, she'll believe it. for their doctor. ah, if only Chopper or even Torao-kun were here. ]

[competing]

Yeeeeah, so I may have used the term "zombie" a little loosely. Not that it matters, since we're all from different places with different ideas anyway, but.

[ DETAILS... ]

We're going there to help, right? We might as well help with all we've got.

video

[fintastic]

Yes I have a question! Will you be my buddy?

[ She's taking this seriously... no, seriously. ]

video

[competing]

Yeah, of course!!

[ lance is?? ]

video, un: I CAN B UR DADDY

[moneyballer]

[Asher doesn't quite trust Lance's "experience," as he's met others who seem far more suited to the task of prepping them for a zombie apocalypse, Miles, for one.]

So, this is a good start, and it's probably important to carry some kind of weapon with you-

[He clears his throat, brows furrowing.]

But you also have to remember that you might want to keep them hidden. People don't just open carry- Or, well, not in this part of the country.

[competing]

Yeah, try telling that to our sword-carrying friends.

video, @Doc Knock

[paintjobs]

Have you ever actually faced a zombie before?

[competing]

'Course I have!

[ ...... ]

They weren't real, but.

video, un: jakku

[forcevisions]

I've never seen a ... [ she's grasping for the term like it's foreign, ] Zombie movie.

I think you're right, that we should hope to find a cure instead, but ... if it does come to fighting them, and you don't think blasters will work, could you better explain why hammers and machetes and the like are preferred?

[competing]

It's not really a matter of effectiveness, [ lance clarifies, tapping a finger to his chin. ] It's more that hammers and machetes are way more common in a place like Woodhurst than a neato space blaster would. And since part of our mission is to try and keep ourselves on the D-L (that's 90's speak for "down low"), it just makes more sense to try and adapt that way!