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[competing]

[ with the new mission on the horizon, and a rather desperate need to keep busy and distracted, lance has decided to put together this informational psa for all those who may benefit from it.

so. like. maybe two of you. ]

Yo! So with Woodhurst coming 'round the corner, many of you probably haven't had the chance to brush up on all six films of the Brawn of the Dead series but that's okay! Your resident Zombie Apocalypse Expert is here to help you out.

[ he's watched pretty much all the zombie films available on earth, ok, he's practically a PhD. ]

While it's pretty much impossible to gain my level of expertise in the single week we have left, I managed to break down the most important things to remember during a Zombie Apocalypse. [ complete with handy, dandy infographics! (blame whoever got them the drawing app ok.) ]

Lesson one! The buddy system.


ALASTAIR's got it right with their advice. Anyone who's ever seen a movie about characters being hunted by something can tell you right off the bat that the second you decide to go solo? YA DEAD. Total rookie mistake! Don't do it, don't even think about it, don't even think about thinking about it. Doesn't matter how slow the zombies are, or how many of them there are. Always have a buddy with you. And honestly? You're not gonna wanna go through any of this alone anyway.

If no one's coming to mind, just give me a call. My name's Lance, and I'm gonna be a college student there, and those guys never need reasons to be anyplace weird anyway.

Lesson two! Weapons.


Standard zombie movie weapons tend to be something light, hand-held, easy to hook onto your belt or carry around in a bag. Guns are okay, but unless you have unlimited ammo, it's a better idea to also have something that doesn't need replenishing. But remember we're also trying to blend in here, so busting our your swords and magic might not be what you wanna do... but also who cares when it's just you, an empty alleyway, and the not-so-dead. Tire irons are a classic, also kitchen knives, but it's important to remember: anything's a weapon if you can throw it hard enough.

And finally, lesson three — [ there isn't an infographic for this one. this time it's just lance, staring straight into the camera, the mood of the video suddenly quite serious and somber. ] — this is all real.

[ he shifts a little, uneasy. ]

I know the mission's primary objective is to contain this thing, keep it from spreading. And we should definitely do all we can to make sure it affects as few people as possible... but these are real people, you know? Real people, with real lives... real families. None of our objectives are for finding a cure, but man do we have some real smart people on this team. Real smart. And, like, magic, you know? Magic and science and all that stuff, from all over the universes. If you have that many people, from all these different backgrounds, with all these different skills then it has to be possible, right? That's just... that's math. So with magic and science and math on our sides, there's no way we can fail.

[ he got away from his point a little, so he backtracks into it. ]

What I'm saying is — be careful. Do what you gotta do, but if there's a way for you to save them so we can one day cure them, then... do that too. [ the please goes unspoken, but the sentiment is definitely there.

after a moment, he seems to bolster himself back up to the energy he'd had when he began. ]

And that's it! Questions? Thoughts? Apples for the teacher? [ ;D ]

Comments

audio; un: Evening Spider

[araigneedusoir]

I think I'd rather engage at range rather than with a weapon that could easily get me bitten.

[Not that she actually has the ammo but--]

Overall avoiding confrontation unless absolutely necessary is the best course of action.

perma-video

[competing]

[ ah, he remembers your voice, widowmaker~ ;) ;) ;) ]

Excellent point! I guess I should've just directed this to those that can't seem to help themselves.

[ you know the types, wm.... gd shounens ]

perma-audio

[araigneedusoir]

[Don't make her hang up on you again, Lance.]

Probably, not that all of them will listen anyway.

[The ones she's likely to leave to get eaten...]

[competing]

[ 8'( love him

also wm no ]

Yeah, true. We definitely got a lot of "shoot first, ask questions later" kinda people here, don't we...

[araigneedusoir]

[She's bad at love, sorry.

But why can't she?]

That we do. Occasionally it's not a bad thing.

[competing]

[ does she need a teacher ;) ]

That's a little generous.

[araigneedusoir]

[No.]

Is it?

[competing]

[ hmph ]

Yeah. I mean if it were up to those types... we probably would have a lot more blood on our hands.

[araigneedusoir]

I never thought leaving it up to them was a good choice, but there are moments were shooting first is the only option.

[competing]

Okay, but maybe we can adjust that. I'm thinking something more like... "if you have to, shoot first.... on the leg." Or something like that.

[ eh? eh? ]

[araigneedusoir]

[Silence.....then a small chuckle. Okay so that was actually kind of funny.]

You might want to say "aim for the leg" instead.

[competing]

Hey, that definitely has a catchier ring to it! We can say it's a collaborative effort.

[araigneedusoir]

Of course. Here's to hoping we avoid any incidents.

[competing]

[ "off-screen" he reaches over and knocks on some wood. ]

Careful, you might jinx us.

[araigneedusoir]

If you think that way, I will have.

[competing]

Hey hey hey, don't try to pin this one on me..!

[araigneedusoir]

I'm not the one concerned about us being jinxed.

[competing]

It's a legitimate concern, okay. The Laws of Jinxing transcends universes and time itself.

[ ... ]

Like the Laws of Calling Dibs.

[araigneedusoir]

Interesting.

[Childish, but she's trying to be polite.]

Not many actually follow those 'laws.'

[competing]

It's okay. We don't have to talk about those barbarians.

[araigneedusoir]

Indeed we don't.

[competing]

We can talk about something else!

[ now... this would normally be the part where lance trails off into some kind of pick up line, finely crafted for a fine madam such as yourself...

but current circumstances has him holding his tongue. and instead he settles with: ]

So, uh... what's your cover story gonna be?

[araigneedusoir]

[A topic change is good, the fact that Lance isn't trying to pick her up is even better.

Maybe, maayybeee he might have a chance to at least earn a little respect.]

French Teacher, though I still have a few details to go over.

[competing]

[ see this is where he might make a pass, considering the whole "french teacher" thing is such a total opening...

but Things have been pretty complicated lately. somehow, miraculously, it's not the first thing to come to his mind. ]

Yeah? Need some help?

[ and thus he lives again another day! ]

[araigneedusoir]

[She let's out the slightest sound, almost as though he'd surprised her with his response. Really she kind of expected him to charge right in again but he didn't.]

I'll be alright, this isn't the fist time I've crafted an identity for myself.

[Just the first time she's done it in a completely different time period.]