text; un: shitpost king

[hedonistic]

if anyone can tell me how to get videogames or proper internet on this thing i will do a dare of ur choice and let u record the results for posterity/blackmail/whatever u want

in the meantime i've got way too much time to kill so let's play would you rather

for those of you poor souls who've never known the glory of the internet, it goes like this: someone posts two things (the more ridic the better) and people respond with their decision on which they'd rather do and then come up with their own two things

it ends up with us all judging each other's life and choices and nobody lives happily ever after (◡‿◡✿)

i'll start with something appropriate to our upcoming ~mission~

would you rather...
be eaten by a zombie, or burnt at the stake?

Comments

[12inches]

fair but still
I guess if you want my real answer, stake probably. feels less personal.

yeah horses spook, I guess by that your logic is sound but idk "fight" has always implied like
these hundred horses have got a bone to pick with you. you gotta throw down.
like it's providence to pique PETA and punt these plentiful purse ponies.
that + big bird is bad enough but I do not want a hundred vengeful horses on my ass.

oh god uh. I guess sneeze, you could probably get used to it after a while. hiccups could go wrong all over the place. like if you're holding your breath underwater. or it could give away your hiding place with a serial killer on the loose.

[hedonistic]

no i'm really a king
i rule over the old and venerable land of shitpostia
we have the highest export rate of dank memes in the multiverse and our national anthem is the rickroll

[hedonistic]

we're the number one consumer of sarcasm, too
it's what like, 90% of our taxes go toward

ghosty fingers

[hedonistic]

Huh? Sure, I guess.

[He's not exactly a great teacher or anything, but he could at least show her the ingredients and steps and such?]

Are you used to cooking at all or would this be starting from scratch for you?

[p66]

I'm reasonably good at it. Just the recipe will do.

[ She has to be or she can't feed her teammates. In any case, she should thank her benefactor: ]

By the way, what's your name?

[viscontree]

Oh really then? You must come from an interesting world. Not that I believe what you're saying is entirely true...for that matter.

What's a rickroll?

[Is this supposed to be a theme of some sort?]

[unholey]

[Japan's on lockdown and it doesn't teach history anymore. Well, that sounds pretty dystopian.]

If you're curious, sakoku was a foreign relations policy in Japan from 1633-1866.
The idea is that no foreigners went in (under pain of death) and no one who left could come back without special permission (under surprise surprise: pain of death).
Although Japan wasn't completely closed off during this period.
Trading did occur, but it was strictly regulated under particular entities and was held in specific cities.

That's fair. Especially since cramming like that isn't a very good way to master material.
Unless you've got an unusually good memory.

Funny you ask that. I'm always tired and my appetite's been awful for years.
So I suppose I'll stick with the devil I know.
That and it's simpler to schedule things like breaks for eating.
Trying to sleep when you don't feel tired is an exercise in frustration.

[heavyhitter]

wow already got that high an opinion of me, i'm touched
guess you never been to italy huh

[mutemail]

This all kind of implies it's done with 'code'.
Is it tech or is it 'magic'.

[hedonistic]

idk it could be like those systems where magic has rules and shit
so you make spells like you'd use a programming language but it's like, magic under the hood instead of circuits or w/e

1/2

[hedonistic]

i mean u did start this thing off with being tied naked to a pole
kind of conjures up a certain set of expectations
not that i'm complaining ☆⌒(ゝ。∂)

dw what the fuck are you doing i'm so sorry i hope you're not getting multiple notifs

[hedonistic]

and nah
nobody's been allowed in or out of the japan i'm from in like twenty fucking years

[hedonistic]

[Oh, Fugo. You don't even know the half of it, friend.]

ohh
yeah no this is different
we don't even do trade anymore
literally, we have this whole food self-sufficiency program and everything where this scientist genetically engineered a crop they could mass produce and process into a million different things so we wouldn't have to import anything anymore

[Ask him how glad he is that there are no fucking hyper oats here. It's like, perk #2, next to being able to walk around outside unmonitored.]

idk if they actually kill people for violating it tho
i mean, i'm sure people have tried to sneak in before but it's not like they could fit into society afterward anyway
their psycho pass would be all fucked up from having intentionally committed a crime
they'd have to stay under the radar for the rest of their lives or leave
so i guess it depends on how shit went during the hiding part and how much they freak out if they get caught

good choice tbh, at least napping feels good when ur tired, even if ur still tired afterward

btw
i'm a p good cook so if ur interested in making the eating part a little less of a chore
hmu

[...he likes feeding people okay, shush.]

[hedonistic]

oh my god dude
it was literally right there
i was being sarcastic
"number one consumer of sarcasm"??? that's not a thing? you can buy??

[This is so tragic. Trolling someone isn't nearly funny if they can't even understand they're being trolled....]

yes my un is a joke
literally right now i just shitposted at you
someone get this man a funny bone operation



(that's also a joke)

(i'm not actually implying that anyone should operate on you)

(seriously, is this like a tone in text problem or do u suck at this irl too)

also i literally can't explain a rickroll to u bc it would ruin the magic
i'll show u sometime

[hedonistic]

Okay, cool. What's your network un? I'll text it to you.

[What's writing things down with pencil and paper he's nOT A CAVEMAN.]

And I'm Kagari.

[p66]

[ There's a brief moment of surprise on her expression before it resolves into a (slightly awkward) smile. ]

Hello, Kagari-san. I'm Reika.

[ The girl he talked over the network!! Which means she'll give him another slight bow as acknowledgement. ]

It's nice to see you in person.

[slushfund]

TL;DR.
I'd take shambling sack of meat over perma-death any day.
They could engineer a cure before you rotted, starved, or got shot in the head.

[hedonistic]

[oh, he likes this one.]

fair enough
i appreciate ur priorities, my dude

so, ur turn
come at me bro

[hedonistic]

[For his part, Kagari doesn't look awkward, but his smile does dim a couple watts. He's a bit sore about the whole thing, her and Sonia's reactions serving as a bitter reminder of who and what he is--not fit to live among "wholesome" people like them--but he's determined to put it out of his mind and forget about it.]

Oh. Hey, Reika-chan.

[But standing around and think-typing a message to her over the jewelry now would be awkward, so:]

Actually, I'll show you how to do it. C'mon.

[mutemail]

I thought the whole point of magic was to break the rules. The laws of physics, specifically.

i got all 108 of them

[heavyhitter]

a lot of good things start that way

what the fuck happened over in japan
what year are you from

[fourscores]

As I said, something with flair. An opera of death. Being eaten or burnt doesn't offer nearly enough drama.

[viscontree]

This is my first time seeing messages that were so eccentric. [He's also not good at this, it's true.]

My apologies. You'd show it to me sometime? I'll look forward to it.

[Dude's clueless as ever, sorry Kagari.]

[hedonistic]

[It's okay. He just needs the right excuse to rickroll you. All things in good time.....]

i'm so sorry for the state of your world then, my dude

[hedonistic]

now ur just being a tease
if u were the opera conductor for ur death, what would the ideal be
like full artistic license here